Last night was kind of nice. I gave Master a bath, if he has a bath at night its a ritual for us that I bath him. We talk about the day and maybe the things that need to be done the next day. He worked on his new web site that he is designing last night for a long time and there things about it that just aren’t working for him so he was a little frustrated. After his bath and he was in bed I knelt beside his bedside like I always do to give him his vow. When I was through reciting it, I was going to get up to come to bed. He asked where I was going, I then immediately said no where and he told me I should have asked to get up. I apologized and lowered my head. It felt like I was there on my knees forever…it had only been a minute or two. He then grabbed me by the back of my hair, raised me up some and forced my mouth down on his cock. I was filled with excitement. He wouldn’t let go and his cock kept pushing down the back of throat. I couldn’t breath, but I knew I couldn’t or shouldn’t say anything or try to anyway. I love having Master in my mouth, but it made me want him so badly. I just kept getting wetter and wetter with ever stroke. Master never really takes long to cum when I am sucking him, but this time he made me work for it, he went longer than I remember. I loved every minute of it. Finally with one last hair pu;; and shove to the back of my throat, he released his frustration out and I felt like I was going to gag because I couldn’t breath and I was trying to swallow at the same time. Then there it was, I had an orgasm without permission. My cum was running down my legs. When he finally let me up, he knew by the look on my face. All he said was that we would deal with this in the morning and for me to come to bed. I crawled in bed beside Master and curled up with him and we drifted off to sleep.
Every morning before he starts work, we have what he calls the preventative session. I lay across the bed, he takes the cane, which I hate and lets me know what my infractions were for the following day or if there was none, then he makes me recite his rules as he is caning me, so I will remember for that day. As much as I love pain and as much as I want Master to scene to with me, I do not like the cane at all. To me it’s not a pleasure-pain. It works though, I always remember his rules and I strive to be a better slave each day. I just wonder what this morning holds with last nights infraction. What ever it is, however hard it is, it will be worth it, because I haven’t had an orgasm in months! Now, its time to start my day…
We all know what the basic needs are, shelter, food, clothing,etc. And then there are wants that have nothing to do with needs. But, can wants actually be needs? I think in some instances they can be. If you know what you need out of a relationship and you are not getting it and you know that you need those certain things for the relationship to work and flourish, then to me that is “need.” When I look at my relationship with my Master, I know what things I need from him. I know what needs of mine need to be met in order for me to feel happy. Could I live without those things? Yes I could. But, I think that being happy in this life and feeling fulfilled is a need. If those needs aren’t met then you could become depressed over a period of time or the relationship could suffer greatly. Communication becomes key at this point. You need to be able to talk things over with your partner, Dom, or Master. If that doesn’t work, then you need to sit down and rethink the relationship. Are you going to be able to live this way? If not are you going to settle for less than what you really want?
If may be time to make some decisions as to where you go from here. We all deserve to be happy in this life. We all deserve to have what we want out of the relationship that we are in. And if you are not in a relationship, know what it is you want out of one before you get involved with someone. Make sure you communicate what it is you need before making a commitment. Never settle…your wants and needs are important. They make you who you are!
The one thing that I desire most in my relationship with Master is kink. I want to be his slut slave. I want to be his little cunt. I want him to use different devices and make me wear and use clamps, dildos, and other things for daily tasks. I want him to use me sexually for his pleasure. I used to love having anal sex and wish so much to feel that again. I desire to feel Master’s hands and fingers on my cunt. I want to feel his belt or paddle on my bare butt just for his pleasure and for me to feel that pain that I so crave. I want to feel his flogger on my back until my back just can’t take anymore. I just want him to use me as his sex slave every now and then.
I know that my desires are just that…wants and desires. But, in a sense for me it is a need. It is something that is important to me. I wish I could have that. I fantasize about having another Dom that does those things to me and who wants to do those things to me. I find it so hard to talk to Master about these kinds of things. I don’t know how. And when I do try, things become difficult for us. So, I just leave it alone. It’s always there in my mind though.
Desires,crave, needs, wants…….am I selfish? Does that make me less of a slave?
I just read an article on the Submissive Guide on submitting in public. It got me to thinking about how others handle being out in public with their Dom/Master and submitting to them. Do you do little subtle things or do you show your submissiveness out right? I will share with you how I am to submit while out in public.
-When Master and I get in the truck, I wait for him to get in then I am allowed to get in. (unless its raining, then I can just get in)
-I must walk behind him and to his left usually a step or two behind him. There are a lot of times that he wants me beside him. If wants that then he will take my hand or wrist and that lets me know he wants me know to walk beside him.
-I am to call Master, Sir.
-When eating out he sits down first then tells me to sit. I may choose what I want to eat but I must ask if what I have chosen is okay. Most of the time he approves. He orders for us. I must keep his drink refilled at all times.
– I must wait until Master has taken his first bite of food, then I must ask permission to eat. Or sometimes he will tell me to go ahead and eat. If we are at the home of our relatives or vanilla friends, I just look at him and he nod his head, then I can eat.
-If I want to buy something for myself, I must ask his permission.
These are just some of our protocols while out in public. If you will….share some of yours!
We hear so much in this lifestyle about being collared. So, I thought I would be put my two cents in for what it’s worth.
To me when a submissive or slave receives a collar it is as meaningful as a wedding ring, a commitment forever. I see all the time subs getting collard the day they meet their Dominant or Dominants collaring every sub they come across, then after a while they let the sub go because it didn’t work out. I guess each to their own, but what the heck! It seems that to a lot of Dominants and sub its a game. i understand that there are those who are in the lifestyle for just play. I don’t really consider them real “lifestyle” people.
I am not collared. So I want to be…yes I do. Master and I have been together for a long time and I bring it up every now and then. His view on it is the same. It’s supposed to be meaningful and lasting. He says it will happen. So….I wait! Don’t get me wrong, I do not have to have a collar to feel owned. I know I am. And I don’t have to have a collar to feel secure about our relationship, I’m not insecure. I am just ready for it. I want to feel the ownership and be able to show everyone else. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see the collar around my neck.
I have read that wearing a collar make them feel more submissive. I don’t get that. you are either submissive or not. I am always submissive and to my Master at all times, without a collar. I submit to his wishes without a collar. I don’t see how having a collar around my neck would change that about me. Another comment I read, said that it made her feel safe, loved and happy. Well, if you didn’t feel that way before you got the collar, then something is not right with the relationship you have. I think you must have those feelings just being in a relationship all together.
This was my morning ramble….maybe I will feel inspired to write again later today.
There was a post on Fetlife the other day that I found quite interesting. The topic was about subs and slave being equal to their Dom or Master. It got me to thinking do I consider myself my Master’s equal? So, I had a conversation with him and we actually thought the same thing. When it comes to me being his slave, I am not his equal. I do not have the power he has in our relationship. I do as I am told and I sit at his feet. That does not add up to being equal to my Master. On the other hand when it comes to making decisions as to my daughter’s life or our health choices and certain life things we are equal.
Some subs said that because they were respected, loved and well taken care of in their relationship it made them equal. Then one person said two halves make a whole, so that makes them equal. Well, here is my confusion…if a sub or slave says okay I am yours and I give my life over to you and we talk about things but your decision is what goes and I am going to follow your orders and obey you and then they say they are equal to their Dom or Master, doesn’t make sense to me.
A Dom or Master can value his sub or slave thoughts, opinions and her feelings and that does not make her his equal. I serve my Master, I submit to him and I sit at his feet. to me that is not equal at all. And to tell you the truth, I don’t want to be considered his equal….I would not be his slave then in my opinion. That’s my thought for the day…..
Here is the link