Monthly Archives: September 2011

Fall Is Here….

I have been cleaning most of the day and the windows are open and I can feel fall in the air. I got out all the fall decorations and put them up. Now, it feels like fall. This is my favorite time of the year. It starts to get cool and the leaves fall to the ground. I feel more alive in autumn than I do all year. 

I spent yesterday freezing beans and okra. I am sure it won’t be enough to get through the winter, but it will help. Master and I grew them in our garden this summer, well the okra is still producing and the beans are still producing some, but they have slowed down. If feels very fulfilling knowing that we grew our own vegetables and provided for ourselves that way.

I talked to my youngest daughter who is away at college. When we got off the phone a sadness hit me and how much I miss her. I can’t wait to see her. 

Well, I am off to feed the chickens and see about things outside, before I have to start cooking dinner. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening. Tonight is full of our favorite shows, so the DVR is full of recordings. So, it will be a early night for us.


Please wipe your feet before entering!

Today on one of the sites I go on…a lot, someone asked the question about the term “doormat.” I come across this term very often on different sites. You will read, “I’m a submissive or slave, but I am not a doormat.”  

The connotation of the word doormat just does not ring well in some people’s ears. But, when you break it down to it’s component parts it either sounds pretty good or it’s easier to accept.  If you surrender everything without hesitation or question and you will do anything that you are told to do and you are someone’s property, then your are at doormat status(my opinion). If you reserve the right to pick and choose what you want to do or not to do or you negotiate, then you are far from that and probably don’t like the connotation of doormat.  Then you might consider yourself a submissive and not a slave or property. And that’s just fine. Yes, I know…there are a lot of slaves that will say they do not like the term either….I am writing this for everyone that does and doesn’t like the term. I thought it was an interesting topic. 

It took me a long time to get to this point. long ago, I think I would have taken offense to someone calling me a doormat, not now. I am Master’s slave & property. My place is at his feet. He encompasses my life and everything I do is for him. He controls every aspect of my life. I think that qualifies me for doormat status. To Master, I would probably be his welcome mat and at night his bath mat. (on a lighter note)

I am a very intelligent woman. I held a job for many years where I had several people working under me. Then I was a probation officer. I was a P2 and carried a gun and went to some very unpleasant places to track felons down. I am by no means a person someone else can push around. I am Master’s doormat, if you will. I submit and surrender only to him. So, to the outside world, I am not. Master does value everything about me and he loves the strong person that I am. I am very respected and loved by him. And that makes me feel very good inside. I like who I am. I am his slave, his property….and yes I am his doormat!

Sunday Stealing: That Meme That’s Going Around

This is from

Cheers to all of us thieves!

A. Age: 42 

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: Laundry

D. Dogs: 2 Siberian Husky & a Beagle

E. Essential start to your day: Coffee

F. Favorite color: Green

G. Gold or Silver: Silver

H. Height: 5’8 (used to be 5’10)

I. Instruments you play: none

J. Job title: slave, & mom

K. Kids: 3

L. Live: North East GA Mountains

M. Mother’s name: Reba

N. Nicknames: sunshine

O. Overnight hospital stays: several

P. Pet peeve: various sounds

Q. Quote from a movie: “Play it once, Sam. For old times’ sake”

R. Right or left handed: ambidextrous….write with my left 

S. Siblings: 1/ brother

T. Time you wake up: 8AM

U. Underwear: no/ don’t like

V. Vegetable you hate: rutabaga 

W. What makes you run late: over sleeping or loosing the keys

X. X-Rays you’ve had: too many to count

Y. Yummy food that you make: homemade chicken & rice soup, lasagna, etouffee 

Z. Zoo animal: Tiger

A heart to heart

Sometimes you just need to clear the air. There has been something that has really been bothering me. And its a subject that Master just does not like to talk to talk about. In fact he gets down right mad when I try to talk to him about this. Well, I felt the need this morning to just have a heart to heart with him. I could not hold this in any longer. For the first time in a very long time we argued and he got very upset. I over stepped by bounds and told him I just wanted to out. That I could not go on like this any longer. We both started crying and he knows that he has been hurting me for a long time. Really since we have been together. I have been needing something from him, that he hasn’t been to give me. It’s not his fault, it’s really neither of our faults. It just is. We both realized that falling in love and letting each other get this attached was probably not a good thing. It felt good to clear the air. This has been stuck between us for nearly five years. 

After we both had time to cool down and think about things, Master came to me and said that he wanted to try to  make it right and that he did not want to be without me. I don’t want to be without him either, but I am not sure that trying is going to fix this. I guess time will tell. It just hurts and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to be happy, I want to know what it feels like to be happy again. I love him with all that I am, so I have to see if he can make it right…for us.

“After this I should think nothing of falling down stairs.”

Thinking back to when I first started talking to Master and then getting to know him, I thought I knew what being in a Master/slave relationship was all about. I had been there before with someone else a few years before I met Master. I thought I knew what being in this type of dynamic was all about. I know now that I was very naive back then. I had so much to learn about myself and what M/s was “really” all about.  Living it on a daily basis (meaning living with Master) was a reality shock for me. It was much different from what I had experienced before. It took some getting used to. There were times that I just sat down and wondered to myself, is this really for me, or can I do this, and maybe I don’t want to do this. It was by trial and error that Master and I found out what worked for and what didn’t. It has been quiet a journey.

I didn’t fully grasp all the implications that my relationship would manifest upon me. I didn’t really understand how far down the rabbit hole as they say I would go. But, I am there, I am all the way down in the rabbit hole. There was this one night a few years back, when Master and I were laying in the bed and he wrapped his arms around me and told me that he owned me. “Owned Me,” I thought to myself. Then as I laid there feeling very secure in his arms, I realized that he did. I finally knew what it was like to be owned. I had read about other slaves being owned and read about what it was like for them. Now, I knew. And to think someone wanted me enough to own me.

I have always been submissive in all my relationships. Heck, even in my friendships with other females I was always the “people pleaser.” But, I never saw myself giving my whole being over to another. I mean giving someone total control over my whole life, over me. It felt nice, it felt warm, if that makes sense. For me it was like coming over to the other side. Venturing over to who I really was all along. Master encompasses my whole being. His needs, wants, happiness all come first. If he is not happy, neither am I . I strive to make myself better because of him. I feel better about myself because of him. Knowing that my place is at his feet and in his heart is the best feeling that I could ever have. That’s not to say that there aren’t days that I look back and say to myself, “what the hell were you thinking.” There are many of those days. They come and then they go. 

Being in a O/p relationship takes a strong person. A person who knows who they are inside and out. And it takes dedication and devotion. Surrendering yourself over to someone is not an easy thing. But, something that I did gladly and without hesitation. Because of Master I am the girl, the slave, the property, the mother, the daughter and all the other things I am today. 

There were times in the beginning of our relationship and as it went on that I questioned myself if we were right for each other. There were some issues that we had to work out. They were hard issues for me, things I had to get used to. Things I had to be willing to accept if we were going to work. It has been five years and for the most part I have accepted those things. Every now and then I look back and I wonder if I should have compromised on those things, but I am here and I like where I am. I love who we are together. I worship Master.

Now, when I think about our relationship or our dynamic, I see things so differently. I know that we are Master and slave, but we are more of O/p, Owner and property. to me, it is so much more than M/s. It’s deeper, more rich. I know we have a long journey ahead of us and I have so much more to experience and learn. Submitting to Master in every way and making his life easier and peaceful is what I strive for daily. He encompasses me always. Knowing that the control is in hands, knowing he makes the rules, and knowing that he gives my life structure, is comforting. He is the leader of “US.”


The internet told me I was his equal…Master told me the internet lied!

I have never thought that I was Master’s equal. I have never wanted to be thought as Master’s equal. why would I? He has complete control over me, he makes all the decisions, I submit to him in all ways, he is my owner, I gave myself over to him years ago. I obey what he tells me. If I thought I was his equal, we would not have the dynamic that we do. We wouldn’t have the relationship that we have for that matter. 

I read today that  some people  think they are equal in their M/s relationships.  I don’t understand that at all. One person said,”we are both humans, that makes us equal.” How does that make two people equal? Especially in a M/s dynamic?  Then there was another person who said that being equal in value makes them equal. And because there was consent in her relationship that made them equals. Then she talked about worth making them equals. I get the whole value and worth thing. I really do.

Master values me as I do him. And I am worth what he wants to put into me as his property. We love each other very much. We take care of each other’s needs. As always Master’s needs come first. We make each other happy and we make each other smile. But, with that said…in no way do those things make me his equal. Equality has nothing to do with value, worth, trust, respect, love, honor, etc. Equality is in a whole different realm than those things I mentioned. When I think about a M/s or O/p relationship, I think about control over another person and one having authority and the other submitting to the person in control. The slave gives all of herself over to her Master and surrenders everything she and has. She obeys his every word. Her Master makes all the decisions and his word is final. And that is how things are. There is nothing about that way of life that says equal to me. In fact it is just the opposite. 

As far as worth goes, I feel I am worth as much as  Master is willing to give of himself to own me. But, yet again that has nothing to do with me being his equal. 

I know that there are many different people in this lifestyle with many different outlooks on this topic. But, why call your dynamic M/s if you actually think of yourselves as equal? There will be as many opinions as there are days of the year. It seems to me that there are a lot people who call their dynamic M/s but it is really D/s and that is fine. Just call it that. There is nothing wrong it. I guess there could be equality in a D/s relationship. M/s is romanticized by others that call themselves by this dynamic. I think these people do not really live a every day Master/slave relationship. It has taken me many years to comprehend what it really means to be Master and slave. What I would be giving up and what would be giving of myself.  I know who I am and that is a slave who is NOT my Master’s equal. 


Testing The Waters

Yesterday I didn’t feel to well and my service was not up to par. Master understood though and has been concerned about how I am feeling. Anyway, yesterday morning I brought him his coffee like I always do and I just handed it to him. He asked me if this is way I serve him. It hit me that I didn’t kneel when giving him his coffee. I apologized and made sure that I knelt when bringing him the second cup. Later on in the day Master was talking to me and I replied with just a yes. He then said, “yes what?” I meant to say yes Sir. Then last night I didn’t ask permission to get in the bed and he turned to me and asked if I was testing him. I was a little confused. I told him no and he explained to me that all day it had seemed as if I was testing him to see how far I could push him or how long he would let me get away with things. It hit me, I had not been myself all day and didn’t feel good. I told him that I didn’t feel well and that I just wasn’t myself. He then understood.

It got me to thinking. I wonder if I have ever unintentionally tested Master. I have read many threads on fetlife about subs and slaves that push their boundaries or test how far they can push their Dom/Master.  I Do not think that this would be beneficial for either party. To me it shows a lack of trust on the sub/slaves part. If a sub/slave feels she has to test the waters so to speak to see how far he/she can go before something happens, then the dynamic is not what it should be. It shows a lack of communication, that is very much-needed. It also shows a lack of respect on the slave’s part. It may be that the slave is trying to get her Dom/Master to be more Dominant or show more authority. Or may be that she just wants to see how far he/she can push before getting punished or disciplined. If this is happening, the dynamic in my opinion is broken.  When you enter into a relationship/dynamic there has to already be a trust there and a confidence that things are the way they should be. And the people involved have agreed as to how their dynamic should work. (meaning boundaries, limits, etc.) There just should be no reason for the sub/slave to even want to test their Dom/Master. 

Every person goes through what we call life. things happen and we all get caught in everyday life things. And sometimes our Masters/Doms have a lot on their plates. They have work, stress, bills, us to take care of, and many other things. If there are days that he/she doesn’t show their dominance, it shouldn’t be thought of as a fault or maybe they don’t want me anymore, or I need to test them to see if I am still what they want. Just be there because you care, because you of all people should know what your Master wants and needs. By serving him at all times even when their dominance isn’t showing, is a testament to you as his property and slave. As I am sure that your owner shows care and concern when you are not your best and when you don’t feel like submitting on those days when you don’t feel good.

Just trust your dynamic and the one that you with. Communicate your needs and wants and there will not be a reason to feel like you have to “test the waters.” And remember…if you still feel like you want or need to test the water or push your boundaries,  be careful of what you wish for…you just might get it, and might not be what you were hoping for. So, be prepared that if you keep it up, you might be released and asked to leave. Just a thought!