Monthly Archives: October 2011

Inspired from a ramble….

I have always put Master’s needs before my own. When he is happy, I am happy. My service to him comes before anything else. Today, I was inspired to think back to the beginning of our relationship. We knew that we wanted to be together. I knew with all of my heart that I wanted to serve him and be at his feet. There was an obstacle though…it was me. I had walls and I had fear. I had to over come these things before I could even begin to be his slave, before I could even be in a relationship. Master knew that he would have to put my needs first and help me through this time, so that we could thrive.

He held my hand and led me through this rough patch. Along with his dominate force (that was very much-needed) I made it. It wasn’t easy, but he made it easier. He put me before him and for that I will always be grateful. Down came my walls, my fear drifted away and slowly but surely, I surrendered all of me.

He did it again a few years into our relationship when I had to a couple of surgeries. He took care of me and nursed me back to health. He made sure that I was taken care for, so that I could take better care of him. My needs came before his once again. His love for me shows no boundaries. 

I am forever Master’s slave and forever I will kneel at his feet. I know that I am wanted and loved. I will always put his needs before mine. But, when and if our relationship needs it, I know he will do the same for me.

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Glad to Be Home

Master and I made the long drive last weekend to pick up my daughter from college for a trip that she was taking. Then yesterday we made the long trip back to take her back to school. It’s a good thing that Master’s family lives sort of close (an hour and half) from her school. We spent the night there and started the long drive back today. I forget how much I love to be at home until we leave. I miss our routine and our daily rituals. I feel out of sorts when those things aren’t done. So, I am so glad to be back home. 

I am so grateful for my life with Master. I am grateful that he loves my daughter’s like they were his own. I am grateful for all that he has done for them. I am grateful that my place is with him. He is the last thought in my head at the end of the day, his voice is the last voice that I hear at night and the first I hear when we wake. I am grateful for his guidance and his wisdom and what he brings to my life.

I am his slave no matter where we go. But, when we are at home, it is our place, our retreat from outside distractions. It is my favorite place to be. 

I am glad to be home!


Possessions…his or mine?

There is a lot of talk about who owns what in a M/s relationship. And, I would say that it depends on what was agreed upon when entering the relationship and how it was going to work. For me, I need the control from the person I am with. Master gives me that. Along with that control comes the owning of all possessions. Master owns everything in our relationship. In his eyes, property doesn’t own property. I gave everything over to him when I became his. Master controls the money, when I go to bed at night I ask him if I can get in his bed. The vehicle is in his name. I own nothing in our relationship and it works for us. And when Master collars me, I will wear his collar. 

This is not to say that if I asked for a release tomorrow that I would walk out with nothing. It would be up to him, because this is what I agreed to in the beginning. But, he is not that heartless and would not let me leave with nothing. I know in my heart that I would leave with what I came into the relationship with. I know Master that well. 

There is a discussion going on in Fetlife about who owns what. And I a lot of slaves say they own what is theirs and that there is no way that they would enter into a relationship and just hand everything over. That is great for them. It’s a matter of what the two people agree upon before the relationship starts. And what works for one may not work for all. Just don’t knock what works for us. 

Master and I have legal documents in place to make sure that our wishes are carried out. He has legal proxy for everything in my life. If something should happen to me, he makes the decisions on my health and he has financial rights as to whom gets what. He knows what goes to my children and him. If something should happen to Master, I am taken care of. This gives us both peace of mind for the future.

I may use the word mine or my, but these are just words. It doesn’t really mean that what I am talking about is actually mine.  Sometimes when I use those words, Master will look at me and say whose is it?  But it is said in a very loving way.

I think this just goes to show how different each relationship is and what makes them unique.  I love the way Master and I are together and I love how things work with us.  


Traveling out of town

Tomorrow Master and I will be leaving to go visit his family for a couple of days. Then from there we will go pick up my daughter from college. I can’t wait to see her. I haven’t seen her since we settled her in there. I am looking so forward to wrapping my arms around her and just hugging her. I miss her a lot. She will only be here for the weekend and then she heads off to Indiana for an Agriculture Communications National Competition. She will be there for 5 days, come back home, then we take her back to school. I am just excited about my time with her. 

The only thing I am not looking forward to is being away from home. I don’t sleep well when I am not in my own bed. I have to sleep a certain way for my body not to hurt due to my back and legs. I end up hurting a lot worse when staying away from home. Also I don’t travel well for several hours at a time. And, I am always afraid that I will slip up and call Master, Master in front of his family. I don’t ever call him by his name. I have never done it before, but now since my daughter has gone away to college there is never a time that I do not call him Master. I am just glad that its only for 2 days. The change will be nice though!


Who is in control

This morning I commented on a thread that was posted on Fetlife. The topic was who is really in control in a M/s relationship. Just like the person who started the thread, I too have read that some think that the slave is really the one with all control and that without a slave there is no Master. Those sort of things. This just doesn’t resonate with me.

When Master and I were getting to know each other and trying to see if we were right for each other, he told me what he would expect out of a Master/slave relationship. He wanted me to know up front. So, when he took me as his I knew how things would be. I have never thought for one minute that I had any control in our dynamic. He makes all the decisions and set all the rules and protocols. I can’t even end our relationship. If I wanted things to end and I felt it was just not working out, I could express those feelings and talk about them. We would discuss what was going on and try to fix it. If I still wanted out, I would have to come to him and ask for release. It would be up to him to let me go. If he said no, then I would not be going anywhere. I made a commitment to him and I would live up to it. We have a great relationship and understanding about things. I know that he is the one on control and I would not have it any other way. We talk about so much and I do give my opinions and he values my opinions. There are even times that he has gone with what I have suggested. But, again he made the choice to do that. But in the end what he says goes.

I could not be in a relationship and call it a Master/slave or Owner/property if I thought I held the control. That defeats the purpose of the dynamic in every way. I guess the father I fell down into the rabbit hole, the more internally I became enslaved to Master. This is reality for us and how we live our every day lives. I am physically and mentally his in every way. 

This is where I see the difference between M/s and D/s. In my mind when you are just a submissive I guess you do hold some of the control. You get to decide on what you like and don’t like and what you will and won’t do. And, I suppose you could just walk away from the relationship. M/s is so much harder and you have to be a strong person inside and out to have this kind of dynamic. for me at least there have been many struggles in my head along the way. Then there was just complete surrender. The control is all his. 


My pain is Master’s pleasure….

A few night ago, Master and I were playing around with some of the toys and he put the nipple clamps on me. We haven’t used those in a long time…a very long time. I used to really love them, now they just plain hurt. I used to could take wearing them for a long period of time, even the tugging on them. So to “recondition” them, Master is having me wear them for 30 minutes a day starting today. I am not looking forward to it. I am to wear them doing my housework or just doing stuff around the house. I think Master is also kind of testing or pushing me. In a way that gives me comfort. Pleasing him just makes me feel good inside, knowing that he is making me better for him. My pain is his pleasure.

This afternoon, Master brought out the small flogger from the bedroom and told me to pull my shirt up, so I did. He flogged my breast and nipples for a while and then he pulls out the clamps and put them on me and said I had to wear them for half an hour. Half an hour, I said to myself…it might as well be 2 hours I was thinking. Then, about 15 minutes later I was saved by the knock at the door…it was the service man coming to replace our modem. YAY!!!! I got to go and take them off….but then came the news I didn’t want to hear, I would be wearing them sometime tonight for an extended period of time. I just keep telling myself….”my pain is his pleasure!” 


Surrender

I am always thinking about Master. He never leaves my mind. Everything I do is for him. He encompasses my whole life. I wrote the other night about wanting to move and how disappointed I was when I found out that we would not be moving. I thought about that and it doesn’t matter where we are, my place is with Master. And where he wants to be is where I belong. I sometimes worry that I am not good enough for him or maybe I’m not really what he wants. But, then I remember that he chose me, he took me as his and I gave my whole self over to him. If he didn’t want me, then I would be here, I wouldn’t be in his life, I wouldn’t be his slave. So, those thoughts leave my mind and I am content.  I love the fact that my life has meaning only because I surrender to and exist for Master. My life is more complete with him. 

I love the way we are together, the way we laugh, the way we love, how we make each other smile. Knowing that I belong to him and that he owns every part of me is so satisfying. He fills all the empty spaces that are inside me. My place will always be at his feet. 

I knew I wanted to be Master’s slave the moment I met him. I knew that I wanted to serve him completely. I thought I was ready. I thought I knew for sure that I could do this. Along the way it became very hard, this thing called surrendering. I withheld parts of  me that I didn’t want to give. I thought I needed to preserve little parts of me for me. (just in case) I found myself fighting the need and want to surrender. I think Master kind of felt that, and he just let me figure out on my own. He knew that in the end that I would surrender all of me. I on the other hand was not all that sure. But, every day I found myself giving more and more of myself. And he took every bit of me gladly. He has guided me and molded me. I feel like I will always be his work in progress. I am always learning and I always want to be a better slave for Master.

Serving Master and being his property has changed me forever. I have surrendered completely.  I am his…I am owned.