So, its raining and I am tired and irritable. I thought we would be going home yesterday. But, Master did not get through building these quail johnny houses that he sold. I understand it s a big job to build three of them. And today is not helping because of the rain, he can’t paint them. So, we are here until tomorrow. I miss my dogs, I know they are lonely and I want to be back in my bed and my house. Visiting family is nice, but then you just want to go home. My back hurts, i had a horrible head ache last night, and I haven’t slept. Now, that i am done venting…I feel a little better. Maybe today will go by fast.
Monthly Archives: November 2011
Don’t postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson.” -Alan Cohen
There have been times when I’ve hurt tremendously and then felt a strong need to punish myself for my part in causing that pain. Usually it’s when I’ve made a mistake, and I feel ashamed, like I should have known and done better.
This is kind of ironic when you think about it—clearly I wanted to know and do better to avoid hurting, and yet instead of letting it go, I’ve continued to make myself feel bad.
When I was younger, someone once told me the more we hurt, the more we learn. While I agree that pain can be one of our greatest teachers, I’d like to challenge the presumption that there’s a direct correlation between learning and pain.
I think a better belief about pain is that each time we hurt, we learn a little about hurting less. I’m not suggesting there will ever be a time when we stop experiencing pain. We’re human, and we will always feel the full range of emotions—which is a good thing, since there would be no light without a little dark.
But every time we deal with something painful, we have an opportunity to learn how to decrease our suffering.
With each difficult experience we can learn how to more effectively let go, forgive ourselves, and move on.
With each challenge, we can learn how to think about things a little more positively and respond a little more proactively.
With each struggle, we can learn to attach to our feelings less so that they do not define or control us.
We can live our lives feeling frustrated with ourselves for having room for improvement, or we can accept that life is constant growth and give ourselves as much room as possible for joy.
For some reason I always get the holiday blues about this time of year. And, I think this year is going to be harder than others. For the first time I am not having Thanksgiving with my mom and my brother. My brother is going out of town with his son and my mom, well she just doesn’t feel like doing Thanksgiving this year. I understand, but it just won’t be the same. And, for the first time my oldest daughter won’t be coming home for Thanksgiving. It has been a really long time since I have seen her and I am really missing her. My youngest daughter will be with Master and I. We will be going to Master’s family for Thanksgiving. We always have a good time when we go. I just wish I could crawl out if this holiday bluesy stage. You know where you cry for no reason and things just don’t seem to come together. I also feel like I have a lot stress right now. I keep telling myself it will be okay.
For two years I have been battling Social Security for Disability benefits. I finally have a hearing tomorrow and I am a little nervous about it. I shouldn’t be nervous, they will either give it to me or not. At least this time I get to tell a judge about my issues. Then, there is the waiting for the decision.
Hopefully the holidays will come and go fast. I hate this depressed feeling. I will do my usual decorating and try to boost my spirits. I hope it works.
I promise, no more depressing blogs…I digress!
Late last night, we heard gun shots coming from the woods that are behind us. Directly though the woods are houses. We do hear gun shots every do often during the day sometimes, but never late at night. It worried both Master and I. Master walks into his office space, which is right off of the living room and gets his shot-gun, makes sure that its loaded, bundles up and goes outside. Now, I don’t know why, but when he gets in protective mode and grabs his gun it just a wonderful feeling I get. I swoon at the thought of him protecting his property.
He was out there for a long time. I thought about going out to find him. But, he eventually came back in and didn’t find anything suspicious and the neighbors were fine. I thanked him for being my protector and that I felt so safe with him. Let me tell you, it made for some very hot sex last night and a wonderful morning with me waking up to Master on top me forcing his cock into my mouth. Maybe I should go find who ever was shooting last night and ask them to do that more often. 🙂
There has been a lot of talk about internal enslavement lately on one of the sites I am on. And it got me to thinking about how that worked for us in the beginning. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on this.
When I first began talking to Master, it was like he knew how to talk to me. He learned all that he could about me and then used that knowledge to reel me in so to speak. He helped me though a very difficult time in life and he broke down walls that I needed to get rid of. It was a long process, but he didn’t mind. He slowly got my way of thinking in alignment with his. My thought process was changing and the way I did things was the way he wanted them done. It’s funny, because I never really realized that it happening. He did though.
When we moved in together it was hard for me to adapt to that, because I lived by myself for so long that I was accustomed to my way of life. That changed immediately. My life was now consumed with him. He was consumed also by making me into what he wanted me to be for him. I was always a work in progress. He was molding me and teaching me and guiding me. I was already his slave, but he was changing me for him so that he could own me, own everything about me. I learned that his choices and decisions were for my benefit. He knew what was right and what was wrong for me. It was a process, it still goes on til this day. I am at his will, I am aligned with his thoughts and what he needs from me. He wore me down and then built me up again. It’s all about his control and my obedience and making him happy. I am internally enslaved to him. It’s a wonderful place to be!
It’s a good thing, and no it’s not a disease or sickness. I have been nominated for a Versatile Bloggers Award by Master_ piece. I am honored to have been nominated, so I say thank you!
This is a way for me and my fellow writers to share blogs of others so that they can be found by many people. I like sharing and I like reading, so I hope that you will take the time to look at the blogs that I list and give them a read. Here is what I am supposed to do…list seven things about myself and then list 15 blogs that I would like to nominate. So without further adieu…
You might not have known these things about me
1) I am a coffee addict
2) I make quaint primitive signs
3) I love to cook
4) I have a thing for pajamas…I buy them all the time
5) I have a degree in Criminal Justice
6) My favorite tv shows are true crime shows
7) I collect rooster and chicken decor
15 Blogs I like to read….
Now for contacting the owners of blogs I listed…I will do my best. Happy reading!
I love rainy days when Master is home and we can just have a day to ourselves inside. I love the time that this gives us. Yes, there are still every day things that have to be done, but it gives us more quality time together. I just love these kind of days.
More later today……