Since Master collared me, I have been trying to get used having it on all the time. The hardest part for me has been sleeping with it on. For some reason at night, sleeping with it was really hard. But, it is getting easier. Master has been really good about it. For the first few night he took it off for me, because I was having anxiety attacks while trying to sleep. I felt really bad that he was taking it off of me, but he understood. He knew it would take time to get used to having it on. Now, its getting easier and during the day, i don’t hardly notice it.
I love my collar. I can feel Master’s ownership with it. There has been one time that Master thought I wan’t listening to him and grabbed the collar and asked me if I was listening. It has become a tool for him in many ways. i was worried about reactions when I went out places, but no one has said anything, which I am glad. I actually think that no one really notices.
I have come to love my collar and all that it stands for.
Making friends for me is pretty hard. In the past I have tried keeping people at a distance. i have a fear of being hurt and losing people I have become close to. I have tried to change that and let people into my life. I like having others to talk to and share things with. i have been enjoying that. But, in meeting people and making friends come the chance of rejection, judgement and the fear of losing those friends.
There is also another chance you take. When you speak truth and honesty and it’s not taken well or they view as an attack when its not, then you stand the chance of being looked at differently. Maybe differently is not the right word. Maybe its resentfulness or conflict. I was taught to be honest and truthful. If someone asks my advise I am honest with them. If someone asks my opinion…I give it. I would hope that being honest wouldn’t push them away. But, it seems it has. When someone needs support and kind words…i’m your girl. I support my friends and those that ask for it when it’s needed. For some reason now, it has turned out to be not such a good thing. When did honesty and truth start being a bad thing? Why fault someone for being supportive with kind words, honesty and truthfulness was asked for? I could never fault anyone for that. I may not like what was said, I may not agree with what was said, but I respect that person for giving the advise and words. Friendship shouldn’t come with exclusions.
Maybe the answer is not to help, not get involved, not give the advice when its asked for. But, that’s not what I consider friendship. I lived through a lot and suffered a lot during my life. I have a lot to share, a lot to be thankful for and I have a lot to give to others. But, I don’t want to be judged by what I say or do if its comes from the heart, if it is truthful, honest, and well meaning. I don’t want to cause conflict.
Those walls that I broke through to be able to make friends are looking like they may be building themselves back up again. I will fight to keep them away, but that in it self is a hard job. Seeking shelter is always the easiest thing to do.
I will continue to live my life with honesty, integrity and respect. I will continue to support those that need it….even if I am faulted for it. All that matters is what I think of myself and how Master sees me.
I really sick of being sick. first I had my gallbladder and a growth out. Then I get an infection from that. Right after that I get an awful sinus infection. I then gave it to Master. 😦 Then I thought I was about over it and here it goes again. I hate this no energy and not feeling good. I am ready to be up and doing stuff and feeling me again. UGH!
This why I haven’t been blogging. I will write again as soon as I am over the guntch! lol
I cannot begin to to express how ecstatic I am at this moment. its going to take some getting used to.
It has been a long time coming. Master and I have been together for almost 6 years now. He could have done this when w first got together or even shortly after. But, that is not him, nor is it me. It had to be right, we both had to be sure, I needed to be enslaved by him mind, body and soul.
When we first got together we knew we were so right for each other. We thought a like, we wanted the same things out of life, it just felt right with him.
He makes me laugh and we can just be together in the same room or side by side and not say anything. We are good together. It hasn’t always been easy. We have been through some hard times. There were times when I questioned if this was really for me or was he really the one for me. I am so glad we made though all that. Sometimes you just have to take a step backwards to be able to forwards.
His dominance is just there. It shows just by looking at him. I am in awe of him ever day. I love and worship him more than I ever thought I would or could. My place is at his feet and for me that is the best place in the world to be. He has taught me so many things and has given me the life that I always wanted. A life where I could be who I was and I who I was meant to be.
I believe that the people in our lives come to us for a reason. Even if its for a short period of time or a life time. There is a reason for their presence. Master came into my life at a time when I needed a savior. Someone to help me through one of the toughest parts of my life. And he did just that. He taught me how to trust again and to let my walls down. He made me pull up my boot straps and carry on and trudge through those hard times. And he continues to do that for me. He has loved my girls like they were his own. He has given them guidance and love over these past years. That has meant the world to me and to them.
I am looking forward to the many years to come with Master. I am his slave and property. I am proud to call myself his. But, now I am his collared slave. It has finally happened. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now.