It has been so long since I have posted here…way too long. I really need to get back to my writings.
A lot has happened in our lives. We have moved from our mountain home to where Master grew up in Middle Georgia. It has been a year and a half now and I am still getting used to it. I still find myself longing for home on many occasions. We are living in the house where Master grew up. His father passed away a year ago in April and here we stayed. I like it here and the house is nice and I have made it home. Of course though…home is where ever Master is. Our lives have changed somewhat. We live next door to Masters mother and his family lives very close by. So, the way we used to live is quite different. But, we make it work and who we are never changes.
Getting the house and property in order seems to be a never ending project. Maybe one day it will come together and things will slow down. This is our life now and life goes on, it may change but who we are still remains.
I am more than just his slave, he owns me. My life revolves around his needs, wants and desires. Master controls every aspect of my life. Ownership is very real for us. I am his owned property. I do not get tell him what I am going to do. I do not get to change how things work around here. From the very beginning I knew how it would work. I agreed to his terms completely.
There are those that would argue that one individual cannot own another. I disagree with that. At least in our case. When I became Master’s slave, I gave up the life that I once knew. I handed my life over to him. My money goes into his account, he makes all decisions for me, he controls all that I do, my opinions are given only when asked for, and my obedience is the key thing. I never question his motives or how he wants things done or how he wants us to live. My life is his. I am his to do with as he sees fit.
Owned is what I am!
It’s been awhile since I have posted. Things here at home have been pretty busy. We are tilling and planting and our ebay store has been hopping. I also got some baby ducks a few weeks ago that are growing quickly.
Other than those things, everything is still the same. Master and I doing well and life is just happening. I hope to write more in the coming days. I have some topics and thoughts that I want to write about and share. I just wanted to pop in and say that I haven’t forgotten about my blog or about writing.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!
Life here has been really good. Master’s sells have been wonderful, my daughter was home this week from college and I have been feeling pretty good. It always feels good when things seem to be going well. And the weather has been beautiful. We will be taking my daughter back on Sunday. It will be a long drive there and back. I am sure we will be talking about her coming home for the summer.
As far as my collar is concerned Master is so sweet. He lets me take it off at bed time. I have been having a hard time sleeping with it on. He puts it back on first thing in the morning and I wear it all day. At first I felt really bad about taking it off at night. But, then he told me that it doesn’t bother him and that I am collared whether or not I have my collar on. He would rather be able to sleep at night than not sleep at all. I feel so lucky to have someone who is so understanding.
Life is good!
Since Master collared me, I have been trying to get used having it on all the time. The hardest part for me has been sleeping with it on. For some reason at night, sleeping with it was really hard. But, it is getting easier. Master has been really good about it. For the first few night he took it off for me, because I was having anxiety attacks while trying to sleep. I felt really bad that he was taking it off of me, but he understood. He knew it would take time to get used to having it on. Now, its getting easier and during the day, i don’t hardly notice it.
I love my collar. I can feel Master’s ownership with it. There has been one time that Master thought I wan’t listening to him and grabbed the collar and asked me if I was listening. It has become a tool for him in many ways. i was worried about reactions when I went out places, but no one has said anything, which I am glad. I actually think that no one really notices.
I have come to love my collar and all that it stands for.
Making friends for me is pretty hard. In the past I have tried keeping people at a distance. i have a fear of being hurt and losing people I have become close to. I have tried to change that and let people into my life. I like having others to talk to and share things with. i have been enjoying that. But, in meeting people and making friends come the chance of rejection, judgement and the fear of losing those friends.
There is also another chance you take. When you speak truth and honesty and it’s not taken well or they view as an attack when its not, then you stand the chance of being looked at differently. Maybe differently is not the right word. Maybe its resentfulness or conflict. I was taught to be honest and truthful. If someone asks my advise I am honest with them. If someone asks my opinion…I give it. I would hope that being honest wouldn’t push them away. But, it seems it has. When someone needs support and kind words…i’m your girl. I support my friends and those that ask for it when it’s needed. For some reason now, it has turned out to be not such a good thing. When did honesty and truth start being a bad thing? Why fault someone for being supportive with kind words, honesty and truthfulness was asked for? I could never fault anyone for that. I may not like what was said, I may not agree with what was said, but I respect that person for giving the advise and words. Friendship shouldn’t come with exclusions.
Maybe the answer is not to help, not get involved, not give the advice when its asked for. But, that’s not what I consider friendship. I lived through a lot and suffered a lot during my life. I have a lot to share, a lot to be thankful for and I have a lot to give to others. But, I don’t want to be judged by what I say or do if its comes from the heart, if it is truthful, honest, and well meaning. I don’t want to cause conflict.
Those walls that I broke through to be able to make friends are looking like they may be building themselves back up again. I will fight to keep them away, but that in it self is a hard job. Seeking shelter is always the easiest thing to do.
I will continue to live my life with honesty, integrity and respect. I will continue to support those that need it….even if I am faulted for it. All that matters is what I think of myself and how Master sees me.
I really sick of being sick. first I had my gallbladder and a growth out. Then I get an infection from that. Right after that I get an awful sinus infection. I then gave it to Master. 😦 Then I thought I was about over it and here it goes again. I hate this no energy and not feeling good. I am ready to be up and doing stuff and feeling me again. UGH!
This why I haven’t been blogging. I will write again as soon as I am over the guntch! lol