There has been a lot of talk about internal enslavement lately on one of the sites I am on. And it got me to thinking about how that worked for us in the beginning. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on this.
When I first began talking to Master, it was like he knew how to talk to me. He learned all that he could about me and then used that knowledge to reel me in so to speak. He helped me though a very difficult time in life and he broke down walls that I needed to get rid of. It was a long process, but he didn’t mind. He slowly got my way of thinking in alignment with his. My thought process was changing and the way I did things was the way he wanted them done. It’s funny, because I never really realized that it happening. He did though.
When we moved in together it was hard for me to adapt to that, because I lived by myself for so long that I was accustomed to my way of life. That changed immediately. My life was now consumed with him. He was consumed also by making me into what he wanted me to be for him. I was always a work in progress. He was molding me and teaching me and guiding me. I was already his slave, but he was changing me for him so that he could own me, own everything about me. I learned that his choices and decisions were for my benefit. He knew what was right and what was wrong for me. It was a process, it still goes on til this day. I am at his will, I am aligned with his thoughts and what he needs from me. He wore me down and then built me up again. It’s all about his control and my obedience and making him happy. I am internally enslaved to him. It’s a wonderful place to be!
This morning I commented on a thread that was posted on Fetlife. The topic was who is really in control in a M/s relationship. Just like the person who started the thread, I too have read that some think that the slave is really the one with all control and that without a slave there is no Master. Those sort of things. This just doesn’t resonate with me.
When Master and I were getting to know each other and trying to see if we were right for each other, he told me what he would expect out of a Master/slave relationship. He wanted me to know up front. So, when he took me as his I knew how things would be. I have never thought for one minute that I had any control in our dynamic. He makes all the decisions and set all the rules and protocols. I can’t even end our relationship. If I wanted things to end and I felt it was just not working out, I could express those feelings and talk about them. We would discuss what was going on and try to fix it. If I still wanted out, I would have to come to him and ask for release. It would be up to him to let me go. If he said no, then I would not be going anywhere. I made a commitment to him and I would live up to it. We have a great relationship and understanding about things. I know that he is the one on control and I would not have it any other way. We talk about so much and I do give my opinions and he values my opinions. There are even times that he has gone with what I have suggested. But, again he made the choice to do that. But in the end what he says goes.
I could not be in a relationship and call it a Master/slave or Owner/property if I thought I held the control. That defeats the purpose of the dynamic in every way. I guess the father I fell down into the rabbit hole, the more internally I became enslaved to Master. This is reality for us and how we live our every day lives. I am physically and mentally his in every way.
This is where I see the difference between M/s and D/s. In my mind when you are just a submissive I guess you do hold some of the control. You get to decide on what you like and don’t like and what you will and won’t do. And, I suppose you could just walk away from the relationship. M/s is so much harder and you have to be a strong person inside and out to have this kind of dynamic. for me at least there have been many struggles in my head along the way. Then there was just complete surrender. The control is all his.