I have always put Master’s needs before my own. When he is happy, I am happy. My service to him comes before anything else. Today, I was inspired to think back to the beginning of our relationship. We knew that we wanted to be together. I knew with all of my heart that I wanted to serve him and be at his feet. There was an obstacle though…it was me. I had walls and I had fear. I had to over come these things before I could even begin to be his slave, before I could even be in a relationship. Master knew that he would have to put my needs first and help me through this time, so that we could thrive.
He held my hand and led me through this rough patch. Along with his dominate force (that was very much-needed) I made it. It wasn’t easy, but he made it easier. He put me before him and for that I will always be grateful. Down came my walls, my fear drifted away and slowly but surely, I surrendered all of me.
He did it again a few years into our relationship when I had to a couple of surgeries. He took care of me and nursed me back to health. He made sure that I was taken care for, so that I could take better care of him. My needs came before his once again. His love for me shows no boundaries.
I am forever Master’s slave and forever I will kneel at his feet. I know that I am wanted and loved. I will always put his needs before mine. But, when and if our relationship needs it, I know he will do the same for me.
There is a lot of talk about who owns what in a M/s relationship. And, I would say that it depends on what was agreed upon when entering the relationship and how it was going to work. For me, I need the control from the person I am with. Master gives me that. Along with that control comes the owning of all possessions. Master owns everything in our relationship. In his eyes, property doesn’t own property. I gave everything over to him when I became his. Master controls the money, when I go to bed at night I ask him if I can get in his bed. The vehicle is in his name. I own nothing in our relationship and it works for us. And when Master collars me, I will wear his collar.
This is not to say that if I asked for a release tomorrow that I would walk out with nothing. It would be up to him, because this is what I agreed to in the beginning. But, he is not that heartless and would not let me leave with nothing. I know in my heart that I would leave with what I came into the relationship with. I know Master that well.
There is a discussion going on in Fetlife about who owns what. And I a lot of slaves say they own what is theirs and that there is no way that they would enter into a relationship and just hand everything over. That is great for them. It’s a matter of what the two people agree upon before the relationship starts. And what works for one may not work for all. Just don’t knock what works for us.
Master and I have legal documents in place to make sure that our wishes are carried out. He has legal proxy for everything in my life. If something should happen to me, he makes the decisions on my health and he has financial rights as to whom gets what. He knows what goes to my children and him. If something should happen to Master, I am taken care of. This gives us both peace of mind for the future.
I may use the word mine or my, but these are just words. It doesn’t really mean that what I am talking about is actually mine. Sometimes when I use those words, Master will look at me and say whose is it? But it is said in a very loving way.
I think this just goes to show how different each relationship is and what makes them unique. I love the way Master and I are together and I love how things work with us.
This morning I commented on a thread that was posted on Fetlife. The topic was who is really in control in a M/s relationship. Just like the person who started the thread, I too have read that some think that the slave is really the one with all control and that without a slave there is no Master. Those sort of things. This just doesn’t resonate with me.
When Master and I were getting to know each other and trying to see if we were right for each other, he told me what he would expect out of a Master/slave relationship. He wanted me to know up front. So, when he took me as his I knew how things would be. I have never thought for one minute that I had any control in our dynamic. He makes all the decisions and set all the rules and protocols. I can’t even end our relationship. If I wanted things to end and I felt it was just not working out, I could express those feelings and talk about them. We would discuss what was going on and try to fix it. If I still wanted out, I would have to come to him and ask for release. It would be up to him to let me go. If he said no, then I would not be going anywhere. I made a commitment to him and I would live up to it. We have a great relationship and understanding about things. I know that he is the one on control and I would not have it any other way. We talk about so much and I do give my opinions and he values my opinions. There are even times that he has gone with what I have suggested. But, again he made the choice to do that. But in the end what he says goes.
I could not be in a relationship and call it a Master/slave or Owner/property if I thought I held the control. That defeats the purpose of the dynamic in every way. I guess the father I fell down into the rabbit hole, the more internally I became enslaved to Master. This is reality for us and how we live our every day lives. I am physically and mentally his in every way.
This is where I see the difference between M/s and D/s. In my mind when you are just a submissive I guess you do hold some of the control. You get to decide on what you like and don’t like and what you will and won’t do. And, I suppose you could just walk away from the relationship. M/s is so much harder and you have to be a strong person inside and out to have this kind of dynamic. for me at least there have been many struggles in my head along the way. Then there was just complete surrender. The control is all his.
Today on one of the sites I go on…a lot, someone asked the question about the term “doormat.” I come across this term very often on different sites. You will read, “I’m a submissive or slave, but I am not a doormat.”
The connotation of the word doormat just does not ring well in some people’s ears. But, when you break it down to it’s component parts it either sounds pretty good or it’s easier to accept. If you surrender everything without hesitation or question and you will do anything that you are told to do and you are someone’s property, then your are at doormat status(my opinion). If you reserve the right to pick and choose what you want to do or not to do or you negotiate, then you are far from that and probably don’t like the connotation of doormat. Then you might consider yourself a submissive and not a slave or property. And that’s just fine. Yes, I know…there are a lot of slaves that will say they do not like the term either….I am writing this for everyone that does and doesn’t like the term. I thought it was an interesting topic.
It took me a long time to get to this point. long ago, I think I would have taken offense to someone calling me a doormat, not now. I am Master’s slave & property. My place is at his feet. He encompasses my life and everything I do is for him. He controls every aspect of my life. I think that qualifies me for doormat status. To Master, I would probably be his welcome mat and at night his bath mat. (on a lighter note)
I am a very intelligent woman. I held a job for many years where I had several people working under me. Then I was a probation officer. I was a P2 and carried a gun and went to some very unpleasant places to track felons down. I am by no means a person someone else can push around. I am Master’s doormat, if you will. I submit and surrender only to him. So, to the outside world, I am not. Master does value everything about me and he loves the strong person that I am. I am very respected and loved by him. And that makes me feel very good inside. I like who I am. I am his slave, his property….and yes I am his doormat!
On Fetlife there is a group that someone started called YoLU. It stands for Year Of Living Uncomfortably. It’s like a journey. A journey of not letting our fears own us and not letting others define us, and becoming who we want to be. it’s about stepping out of our boxes and testing our own boundaries and limitations. In discomfort we grow! So this is the start of my YoLU. My youngest daughter left for college a few weeks ago and I am adjusting to not having kids in the house for the first time since I was 19 years old. It’s hard to believe that my children are grown and on their own. I am enjoying the breathing room, but at the same time its bitter-sweet. Master and I are now for the first time able to be who we are fully. We are able to have our rituals and protocols out in the open. That feels really good. I am going to try to start going to some munches and meet some people and make some friends. I feel like I don’t have that in my life and it would be good to have others to talk to and be active with. I am also going to use this time to try to lose some weight. I really need to. I think I would feel so much better about myself and I am sure Master would like it if I would. My life has dramatically changed. I just hope I can move forward in the way that I want to. Its going to be a challenge!