This morning I commented on a thread that was posted on Fetlife. The topic was who is really in control in a M/s relationship. Just like the person who started the thread, I too have read that some think that the slave is really the one with all control and that without a slave there is no Master. Those sort of things. This just doesn’t resonate with me.
When Master and I were getting to know each other and trying to see if we were right for each other, he told me what he would expect out of a Master/slave relationship. He wanted me to know up front. So, when he took me as his I knew how things would be. I have never thought for one minute that I had any control in our dynamic. He makes all the decisions and set all the rules and protocols. I can’t even end our relationship. If I wanted things to end and I felt it was just not working out, I could express those feelings and talk about them. We would discuss what was going on and try to fix it. If I still wanted out, I would have to come to him and ask for release. It would be up to him to let me go. If he said no, then I would not be going anywhere. I made a commitment to him and I would live up to it. We have a great relationship and understanding about things. I know that he is the one on control and I would not have it any other way. We talk about so much and I do give my opinions and he values my opinions. There are even times that he has gone with what I have suggested. But, again he made the choice to do that. But in the end what he says goes.
I could not be in a relationship and call it a Master/slave or Owner/property if I thought I held the control. That defeats the purpose of the dynamic in every way. I guess the father I fell down into the rabbit hole, the more internally I became enslaved to Master. This is reality for us and how we live our every day lives. I am physically and mentally his in every way.
This is where I see the difference between M/s and D/s. In my mind when you are just a submissive I guess you do hold some of the control. You get to decide on what you like and don’t like and what you will and won’t do. And, I suppose you could just walk away from the relationship. M/s is so much harder and you have to be a strong person inside and out to have this kind of dynamic. for me at least there have been many struggles in my head along the way. Then there was just complete surrender. The control is all his.
Yesterday I didn’t feel to well and my service was not up to par. Master understood though and has been concerned about how I am feeling. Anyway, yesterday morning I brought him his coffee like I always do and I just handed it to him. He asked me if this is way I serve him. It hit me that I didn’t kneel when giving him his coffee. I apologized and made sure that I knelt when bringing him the second cup. Later on in the day Master was talking to me and I replied with just a yes. He then said, “yes what?” I meant to say yes Sir. Then last night I didn’t ask permission to get in the bed and he turned to me and asked if I was testing him. I was a little confused. I told him no and he explained to me that all day it had seemed as if I was testing him to see how far I could push him or how long he would let me get away with things. It hit me, I had not been myself all day and didn’t feel good. I told him that I didn’t feel well and that I just wasn’t myself. He then understood.
It got me to thinking. I wonder if I have ever unintentionally tested Master. I have read many threads on fetlife about subs and slaves that push their boundaries or test how far they can push their Dom/Master. I Do not think that this would be beneficial for either party. To me it shows a lack of trust on the sub/slaves part. If a sub/slave feels she has to test the waters so to speak to see how far he/she can go before something happens, then the dynamic is not what it should be. It shows a lack of communication, that is very much-needed. It also shows a lack of respect on the slave’s part. It may be that the slave is trying to get her Dom/Master to be more Dominant or show more authority. Or may be that she just wants to see how far he/she can push before getting punished or disciplined. If this is happening, the dynamic in my opinion is broken. When you enter into a relationship/dynamic there has to already be a trust there and a confidence that things are the way they should be. And the people involved have agreed as to how their dynamic should work. (meaning boundaries, limits, etc.) There just should be no reason for the sub/slave to even want to test their Dom/Master.
Every person goes through what we call life. things happen and we all get caught in everyday life things. And sometimes our Masters/Doms have a lot on their plates. They have work, stress, bills, us to take care of, and many other things. If there are days that he/she doesn’t show their dominance, it shouldn’t be thought of as a fault or maybe they don’t want me anymore, or I need to test them to see if I am still what they want. Just be there because you care, because you of all people should know what your Master wants and needs. By serving him at all times even when their dominance isn’t showing, is a testament to you as his property and slave. As I am sure that your owner shows care and concern when you are not your best and when you don’t feel like submitting on those days when you don’t feel good.
Just trust your dynamic and the one that you with. Communicate your needs and wants and there will not be a reason to feel like you have to “test the waters.” And remember…if you still feel like you want or need to test the water or push your boundaries, be careful of what you wish for…you just might get it, and might not be what you were hoping for. So, be prepared that if you keep it up, you might be released and asked to leave. Just a thought!
I have been thinking today. It takes so much effort in any kind of relationship to keep it going. It takes respect and understanding from both people. In this lifestyle is it harder to keep the relationship going? If the submissive is showing all the respect and not getting any back, will it work? Is it worth the effort to keep it going?
I think when two people are thinking about entering into a relationship they need to think think about things that they both want. They need to make sure that are compatible in all areas. If you start a relationship and get deep into it then realize that you don’t fit together like you thought you did, it might be harder to end things than in the beginning or harder to end than starting at all.
Just because we are submissive’s or slave’s, doesn’t mean that we don’t need to be heard. We are human and we have feelings. Respect and trust matters to us just as much as it does to anyone else.
My best friend is going through a really tough time and she is hurting. I really want to do something to help her, but all I can do is be here for her. I support her in what ever she decides. I just wish her Master and husband could see what he is doing. He thinks because he is her Master that all else just goes his way. He doesn’t care about her feelings and he doesn’t care what she is going through. He just wants to see numerous of women and she has to be okay with it. Now they have a baby and he isn’t changing one bit, nor is he willing to give up any of his ways. I hurt for her. My life hasn’t been what I want it to be, but I have made a decision to live with the way it is for now. But, I can change that if I get to that point. It’s harder for her, she has a baby now and she feels so alone, even with her Master there. She has now asked for a release and he has granted it. I feel so sad. I know she will be just fine. She is a very strong woman and she has so many wonderful things about her. I just wish things were different.
Regardless, I love her and I will never leave her side!
I never really gave this much thought before. I always felt like because I was Master’s slave that made me his property. But, the longer we were together the more I felt like his property, like I fully belonged to him in every sense of the word. Becoming his slave meant that I was to submit to him in every way and obey him. Being his property meant giving up everything that was mine and handing it over to him and knowing that I own nothing, everything is his. Master owns me. He makes all decisions, his word is final. I ask permission for just about everything. To me, that is more than being his slave. That is about being totally owned. He can use me any way that he sees fit and how he pleases. I have no say so in the matter. Property doesn’t own property is the way it works with Master.
There are others who see being a slave the same thing as being property. I just feel that being property is something deeper. I guess as far as terminology goes M/s is the same as O/p. Also there are those who will say that all the terms are just labels. It’s all in how you view it.
I am my Master’s slave and property. I am owned! Do you think that the two are interchangeable? Are they one in the same?