I am not one to make a lot of friends. The friends that I make I hold close and dear to my heart. It’s hard for me to get close to people. For a long time I had issues with people coming and going in my life, so it was easy for me to keep people at a distance. I am really trying hard to not do that anymore. But, its hard sometimes.
Master and I had been together for about a year and I met a really wonderful person. We clicked and really got each other. We talked every day and even though we lived nearly two hours apart we made sure to visit each other often. We helped each other in so many ways. I think she helped me more.
She was in her own journey in this lifestyle. She is a slave and searching for a Master, but also searching for her soul mate. She soon found him…I didn’t like him. But, for a long time I kept that to myself for a while. I knew she would come to me and ask. She went through heartache and pain. I was there for her every step of the way. I too shared my troubles with Master, because it’s not always easy. She was my sounding board. I didn’t understand why she didn’t him or end things with him. I tried to like him, I really did. It just wasn’t working. But, I continued to support her decisions.
In the mean time, I had some health issues and had to have a couple of surgeries. Some how during my recovery our phone calls slowed and eventually there were none. I was in so much pain and it was so hard for me to get through each day, I could barely stand or walk after my surgery. I had to get myself healed and she didn’t call, not even to check on me. A year went by. I missed her, I needed her, I still loved her. So, I reached out. I made the call. So much had happened, I couldn’t believe it. She had gotten married, she was pregnant and she said things were good. I was happy for her. She had wanted a baby for so long and she thought she would never be able to have a child. We talked liked we had never been apart. We promised each other that distance would never happen again. We didn’t even blame one another, we knew it was both of us. We picked right up.
Things for her got worse and her relationship with her Master was suffering. I didn’t say I told you so, I was just there for her. When she went into this relationship she knew how he was and she knew the things he liked and what he wanted. She thought that she could accept this, she couldn’t. It was really hard for her. She was so sad all the time. I did what I could.
She had her baby, I wasn’t invited to meet her. She kept saying when things got better with her and her Master. I bought her things and I sent them to her. We talked for while. I tried calling, I tried texting and emailing…no response. We have drifted again. I miss her, I still love her, she is still my friend…but she too has left me like other people in my life.
Why is having friends so hard? Why is letting people into your life so easy and so hard at the same time?
I hope I can do it again, I hope it won’t hurt like before. Maybe staying distant is the answer…I hope not.