A few night ago, Master and I were playing around with some of the toys and he put the nipple clamps on me. We haven’t used those in a long time…a very long time. I used to really love them, now they just plain hurt. I used to could take wearing them for a long period of time, even the tugging on them. So to “recondition” them, Master is having me wear them for 30 minutes a day starting today. I am not looking forward to it. I am to wear them doing my housework or just doing stuff around the house. I think Master is also kind of testing or pushing me. In a way that gives me comfort. Pleasing him just makes me feel good inside, knowing that he is making me better for him. My pain is his pleasure.
This afternoon, Master brought out the small flogger from the bedroom and told me to pull my shirt up, so I did. He flogged my breast and nipples for a while and then he pulls out the clamps and put them on me and said I had to wear them for half an hour. Half an hour, I said to myself…it might as well be 2 hours I was thinking. Then, about 15 minutes later I was saved by the knock at the door…it was the service man coming to replace our modem. YAY!!!! I got to go and take them off….but then came the news I didn’t want to hear, I would be wearing them sometime tonight for an extended period of time. I just keep telling myself….”my pain is his pleasure!”
This morning Master ended up not having such a good morning. It just seemed like nothing he was trying to do work wise was working out and then some other things were going wrong. It was just one of those mornings. He went outside for awhile to clear his mind. When he came back in, he told me to meet him in the bedroom. I was quite confused. But, I did as I was told and I went to the bedroom. Once he got to the bedroom he looked at me and told me to lay across the bed and present him my ass. So…I did. He told me he needed to take out some frustration and he just needed me to lie there and take it. No moving around, no complaining, just serve him by saying thank you Master after each stroke. Now you have to realize that we haven’t played or done a scene in FOREVER and I have needed a release for a long time. So, I didn’t hesitate. Although, I did feel that I was serving him by just letting him do what he needed to do to. I will serve him in any way that he needs me to or wants me to. I am here to bring him peace. But, at the same time I am so smiling on the inside!
First came the belt for a warm up, then the dreaded cane. I loved every minute of it and did not want it to end. I hope I have made Master feel some what better or at least served him in a way that my devotion showed.
There are times that I do not want to do what Master tells me to do, or requests me to…but I do those things anyway. Sometimes I huff and puff and sometimes I will try to tell him the reasons that I don’t want to do them. He will simply say that he understands why I don’t want to do it, but that it’s going to get done anyway. In my mind I know that I am going to do what I am told no matter what. Why…well because that is what I agreed to when entering our relationship. It’s what makes us work, it’s the dynamic we have. He has the ultimate power and I obey. The contract that I signed with Master says that I agree to submit to him in every way. Not just sometimes or when I choose, but all the time. Yes, there are many times I just don’t want to and that is where my “obedience with grace” comes in. Master will remind me of who I am (not that I need reminding). It has never occurred to me that he would end our relationship if I did not obey him. I am sure that if it happened over and over that would be a consequence that I would have to face. To me, not obeying would strike at the core of our dynamic. We would not have the TPE anymore.
I have had punishments for not obeying. I accept those with grace also. I know that by not obeying that I agreed that punishments could happen. After the punishment is over, we talk and then life goes on. I don’t feel like me obeying or not obeying is an ultimatum with Master. he doesn’t give me ultimatums. He shouldn’t have to. He is in charge of me and I do what I am told. It’s as simple as that. I have read things that other subs or slaves have wrote that say that they obey because they love their Dom/Master. Maybe that could be true…for us though our M/s relationship trumps the other side of us. I agreed to obey him and be his slave even before we fell in love. I obey because of my devotion to him as his slave and because it is the core of who I am.
I find comfort in knowing that it is as simple as “obey or leave.”