Tag Archives: pain

Joy & Pain

Don’t postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson.” -Alan Cohen

There have been times when I’ve hurt tremendously and then felt a strong need to punish myself for my part in causing that pain. Usually it’s when I’ve made a mistake, and I feel ashamed, like I should have known and done better.

This is kind of ironic when you think about it—clearly I wanted to know and do better to avoid hurting, and yet instead of letting it go, I’ve continued to make myself feel bad.

When I was younger, someone once told me the more we hurt, the more we learn. While I agree that pain can be one of our greatest teachers, I’d like to challenge the presumption that there’s a direct correlation between learning and pain.

I think a better belief about pain is that each time we hurt, we learn a little about hurting less. I’m not suggesting there will ever be a time when we stop experiencing pain. We’re human, and we will always feel the full range of emotions—which is a good thing, since there would be no light without a little dark.

But every time we deal with something painful, we have an opportunity to learn how to decrease our suffering.

With each difficult experience we can learn how to more effectively let go, forgive ourselves, and move on.

With each challenge, we can learn how to think about things a little more positively and respond a little more proactively.

With each struggle, we can learn to attach to our feelings less so that they do not define or control us.

We can live our lives feeling frustrated with ourselves for having room for improvement, or we can accept that life is constant growth and give ourselves as much room as possible for joy.

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My pain is Master’s pleasure….

A few night ago, Master and I were playing around with some of the toys and he put the nipple clamps on me. We haven’t used those in a long time…a very long time. I used to really love them, now they just plain hurt. I used to could take wearing them for a long period of time, even the tugging on them. So to “recondition” them, Master is having me wear them for 30 minutes a day starting today. I am not looking forward to it. I am to wear them doing my housework or just doing stuff around the house. I think Master is also kind of testing or pushing me. In a way that gives me comfort. Pleasing him just makes me feel good inside, knowing that he is making me better for him. My pain is his pleasure.

This afternoon, Master brought out the small flogger from the bedroom and told me to pull my shirt up, so I did. He flogged my breast and nipples for a while and then he pulls out the clamps and put them on me and said I had to wear them for half an hour. Half an hour, I said to myself…it might as well be 2 hours I was thinking. Then, about 15 minutes later I was saved by the knock at the door…it was the service man coming to replace our modem. YAY!!!! I got to go and take them off….but then came the news I didn’t want to hear, I would be wearing them sometime tonight for an extended period of time. I just keep telling myself….”my pain is his pleasure!” 


Markings

   

Being the masochist that I am, I love to feel many different types of implements on my body. For me, its a way to let stress out or just the need to feel the pain. I can’t explain that need, but it is something that has been a part of me for a very long time. I also like to think that when I am receiving the pain, I am taking the strokes for my Master. Over the years the more he has given, the more I have taken. I trust him to know where he can take me. The sting, the burn, the hurt, it’s such a wonderful feeling for me.

Recently, I have had the desire to go a little further. I want to know just how much I can with stand. I want to know just how far Master will go and much Master is willing to give. I want to wear his deep marks. I want to know what it feels like to be brought to the edge of no return with him and have the bruises and markings to show for it. Master has never had that kind of session with me. Maybe one day I will know what that is like. I yearn for his markings on my body, to take that pain for him. To submit to him in that way I would imagine would be magical. 


Master’s Frustration…My Pleasure

This morning Master ended up not having such a good morning. It just seemed like nothing he was trying to do work wise was working out and then some other things were going wrong. It was just one of those mornings. He went outside for awhile to clear his mind. When he came back in, he told me to meet him in the bedroom. I was quite confused. But, I did as I was told and I went to the bedroom. Once he got to the bedroom he looked at me and told me to lay across the bed and present him my ass. So…I did. He told me he needed to take out some frustration and he just needed me to lie there and take it. No moving around, no complaining, just serve him by saying thank you Master after each stroke. Now you have to realize that we haven’t played or done a scene in FOREVER and I have needed a release for a long time. So, I didn’t hesitate. Although, I did feel that I was serving him by just letting him do what he needed to do to. I will serve him in any way that he needs me to or wants me to. I am here to bring him peace. But, at the same time I am so smiling on the inside!

First came the belt for a warm up, then the dreaded cane. I loved every minute of it and did not want it to end. I hope I have made Master feel some what better or at least served him in a way that my devotion showed.