Sometimes you just need to clear the air. There has been something that has really been bothering me. And its a subject that Master just does not like to talk to talk about. In fact he gets down right mad when I try to talk to him about this. Well, I felt the need this morning to just have a heart to heart with him. I could not hold this in any longer. For the first time in a very long time we argued and he got very upset. I over stepped by bounds and told him I just wanted to out. That I could not go on like this any longer. We both started crying and he knows that he has been hurting me for a long time. Really since we have been together. I have been needing something from him, that he hasn’t been to give me. It’s not his fault, it’s really neither of our faults. It just is. We both realized that falling in love and letting each other get this attached was probably not a good thing. It felt good to clear the air. This has been stuck between us for nearly five years.
After we both had time to cool down and think about things, Master came to me and said that he wanted to try to make it right and that he did not want to be without me. I don’t want to be without him either, but I am not sure that trying is going to fix this. I guess time will tell. It just hurts and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to be happy, I want to know what it feels like to be happy again. I love him with all that I am, so I have to see if he can make it right…for us.
We all know what the basic needs are, shelter, food, clothing,etc. And then there are wants that have nothing to do with needs. But, can wants actually be needs? I think in some instances they can be. If you know what you need out of a relationship and you are not getting it and you know that you need those certain things for the relationship to work and flourish, then to me that is “need.” When I look at my relationship with my Master, I know what things I need from him. I know what needs of mine need to be met in order for me to feel happy. Could I live without those things? Yes I could. But, I think that being happy in this life and feeling fulfilled is a need. If those needs aren’t met then you could become depressed over a period of time or the relationship could suffer greatly. Communication becomes key at this point. You need to be able to talk things over with your partner, Dom, or Master. If that doesn’t work, then you need to sit down and rethink the relationship. Are you going to be able to live this way? If not are you going to settle for less than what you really want?
If may be time to make some decisions as to where you go from here. We all deserve to be happy in this life. We all deserve to have what we want out of the relationship that we are in. And if you are not in a relationship, know what it is you want out of one before you get involved with someone. Make sure you communicate what it is you need before making a commitment. Never settle…your wants and needs are important. They make you who you are!
The one thing that I desire most in my relationship with Master is kink. I want to be his slut slave. I want to be his little cunt. I want him to use different devices and make me wear and use clamps, dildos, and other things for daily tasks. I want him to use me sexually for his pleasure. I used to love having anal sex and wish so much to feel that again. I desire to feel Master’s hands and fingers on my cunt. I want to feel his belt or paddle on my bare butt just for his pleasure and for me to feel that pain that I so crave. I want to feel his flogger on my back until my back just can’t take anymore. I just want him to use me as his sex slave every now and then.
I know that my desires are just that…wants and desires. But, in a sense for me it is a need. It is something that is important to me. I wish I could have that. I fantasize about having another Dom that does those things to me and who wants to do those things to me. I find it so hard to talk to Master about these kinds of things. I don’t know how. And when I do try, things become difficult for us. So, I just leave it alone. It’s always there in my mind though.
Desires,crave, needs, wants…….am I selfish? Does that make me less of a slave?