The New And Improved Me….And The Not So Improved Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During the time that I have been away so many things have changed…where we moved to, how we live our lives and me. I have lost 115 pounds. I had to take time away from a lot of things to focus on myself and Master. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and now even harder to stay on track. I know I can do it though. I feel better and I look at life in a totally different way now. 

The not so improved me found myself feeling tired all time and my joints hurt a lot and there were other things that I was experiencing. After many doctors and many blood test we found out I have two different auto immune issues. One is called mixed connective tissue disorder and the other is psoriatic arthritis. So, I have to battle with those things now, but I haven’t let it get me down. I just have to fight harder to do the things I need and want to do. 

I’m back though…ready to share my life again…ready to be the new and improved me!

Master

Sometimes it amazes me how much Master loves and cares for me. He has gone through so much with me and has never left my side. He takes care of me when I need taking care of. These past few days have been really hard and he just smiles at me and tells me how much he loves me. I really am a lucky girl to be able to call him my Master.

I actually really do worship him and everything about him. I still get that giddy feeling every time I look at him and every time he touches me. I love the way he uses me , I love the kind of control he has over him. I tell him he is swierce  (sweet & fierce all at the same time). I am in awe of him…I love him,  I am glad that I belong to him.

Testing The Waters

Yesterday I didn’t feel to well and my service was not up to par. Master understood though and has been concerned about how I am feeling. Anyway, yesterday morning I brought him his coffee like I always do and I just handed it to him. He asked me if this is way I serve him. It hit me that I didn’t kneel when giving him his coffee. I apologized and made sure that I knelt when bringing him the second cup. Later on in the day Master was talking to me and I replied with just a yes. He then said, “yes what?” I meant to say yes Sir. Then last night I didn’t ask permission to get in the bed and he turned to me and asked if I was testing him. I was a little confused. I told him no and he explained to me that all day it had seemed as if I was testing him to see how far I could push him or how long he would let me get away with things. It hit me, I had not been myself all day and didn’t feel good. I told him that I didn’t feel well and that I just wasn’t myself. He then understood.

It got me to thinking. I wonder if I have ever unintentionally tested Master. I have read many threads on fetlife about subs and slaves that push their boundaries or test how far they can push their Dom/Master.  I Do not think that this would be beneficial for either party. To me it shows a lack of trust on the sub/slaves part. If a sub/slave feels she has to test the waters so to speak to see how far he/she can go before something happens, then the dynamic is not what it should be. It shows a lack of communication, that is very much-needed. It also shows a lack of respect on the slave’s part. It may be that the slave is trying to get her Dom/Master to be more Dominant or show more authority. Or may be that she just wants to see how far he/she can push before getting punished or disciplined. If this is happening, the dynamic in my opinion is broken.  When you enter into a relationship/dynamic there has to already be a trust there and a confidence that things are the way they should be. And the people involved have agreed as to how their dynamic should work. (meaning boundaries, limits, etc.) There just should be no reason for the sub/slave to even want to test their Dom/Master. 

Every person goes through what we call life. things happen and we all get caught in everyday life things. And sometimes our Masters/Doms have a lot on their plates. They have work, stress, bills, us to take care of, and many other things. If there are days that he/she doesn’t show their dominance, it shouldn’t be thought of as a fault or maybe they don’t want me anymore, or I need to test them to see if I am still what they want. Just be there because you care, because you of all people should know what your Master wants and needs. By serving him at all times even when their dominance isn’t showing, is a testament to you as his property and slave. As I am sure that your owner shows care and concern when you are not your best and when you don’t feel like submitting on those days when you don’t feel good.

Just trust your dynamic and the one that you with. Communicate your needs and wants and there will not be a reason to feel like you have to “test the waters.” And remember…if you still feel like you want or need to test the water or push your boundaries,  be careful of what you wish for…you just might get it, and might not be what you were hoping for. So, be prepared that if you keep it up, you might be released and asked to leave. Just a thought!