“After this I should think nothing of falling down stairs.”

Thinking back to when I first started talking to Master and then getting to know him, I thought I knew what being in a Master/slave relationship was all about. I had been there before with someone else a few years before I met Master. I thought I knew what being in this type of dynamic was all about. I know now that I was very naive back then. I had so much to learn about myself and what M/s was “really” all about.  Living it on a daily basis (meaning living with Master) was a reality shock for me. It was much different from what I had experienced before. It took some getting used to. There were times that I just sat down and wondered to myself, is this really for me, or can I do this, and maybe I don’t want to do this. It was by trial and error that Master and I found out what worked for and what didn’t. It has been quiet a journey.

I didn’t fully grasp all the implications that my relationship would manifest upon me. I didn’t really understand how far down the rabbit hole as they say I would go. But, I am there, I am all the way down in the rabbit hole. There was this one night a few years back, when Master and I were laying in the bed and he wrapped his arms around me and told me that he owned me. “Owned Me,” I thought to myself. Then as I laid there feeling very secure in his arms, I realized that he did. I finally knew what it was like to be owned. I had read about other slaves being owned and read about what it was like for them. Now, I knew. And to think someone wanted me enough to own me.

I have always been submissive in all my relationships. Heck, even in my friendships with other females I was always the “people pleaser.” But, I never saw myself giving my whole being over to another. I mean giving someone total control over my whole life, over me. It felt nice, it felt warm, if that makes sense. For me it was like coming over to the other side. Venturing over to who I really was all along. Master encompasses my whole being. His needs, wants, happiness all come first. If he is not happy, neither am I . I strive to make myself better because of him. I feel better about myself because of him. Knowing that my place is at his feet and in his heart is the best feeling that I could ever have. That’s not to say that there aren’t days that I look back and say to myself, “what the hell were you thinking.” There are many of those days. They come and then they go. 

Being in a O/p relationship takes a strong person. A person who knows who they are inside and out. And it takes dedication and devotion. Surrendering yourself over to someone is not an easy thing. But, something that I did gladly and without hesitation. Because of Master I am the girl, the slave, the property, the mother, the daughter and all the other things I am today. 

There were times in the beginning of our relationship and as it went on that I questioned myself if we were right for each other. There were some issues that we had to work out. They were hard issues for me, things I had to get used to. Things I had to be willing to accept if we were going to work. It has been five years and for the most part I have accepted those things. Every now and then I look back and I wonder if I should have compromised on those things, but I am here and I like where I am. I love who we are together. I worship Master.

Now, when I think about our relationship or our dynamic, I see things so differently. I know that we are Master and slave, but we are more of O/p, Owner and property. to me, it is so much more than M/s. It’s deeper, more rich. I know we have a long journey ahead of us and I have so much more to experience and learn. Submitting to Master in every way and making his life easier and peaceful is what I strive for daily. He encompasses me always. Knowing that the control is in hands, knowing he makes the rules, and knowing that he gives my life structure, is comforting. He is the leader of “US.”

I AM OWNED, I AM HIS!

Testing The Waters

Yesterday I didn’t feel to well and my service was not up to par. Master understood though and has been concerned about how I am feeling. Anyway, yesterday morning I brought him his coffee like I always do and I just handed it to him. He asked me if this is way I serve him. It hit me that I didn’t kneel when giving him his coffee. I apologized and made sure that I knelt when bringing him the second cup. Later on in the day Master was talking to me and I replied with just a yes. He then said, “yes what?” I meant to say yes Sir. Then last night I didn’t ask permission to get in the bed and he turned to me and asked if I was testing him. I was a little confused. I told him no and he explained to me that all day it had seemed as if I was testing him to see how far I could push him or how long he would let me get away with things. It hit me, I had not been myself all day and didn’t feel good. I told him that I didn’t feel well and that I just wasn’t myself. He then understood.

It got me to thinking. I wonder if I have ever unintentionally tested Master. I have read many threads on fetlife about subs and slaves that push their boundaries or test how far they can push their Dom/Master.  I Do not think that this would be beneficial for either party. To me it shows a lack of trust on the sub/slaves part. If a sub/slave feels she has to test the waters so to speak to see how far he/she can go before something happens, then the dynamic is not what it should be. It shows a lack of communication, that is very much-needed. It also shows a lack of respect on the slave’s part. It may be that the slave is trying to get her Dom/Master to be more Dominant or show more authority. Or may be that she just wants to see how far he/she can push before getting punished or disciplined. If this is happening, the dynamic in my opinion is broken.  When you enter into a relationship/dynamic there has to already be a trust there and a confidence that things are the way they should be. And the people involved have agreed as to how their dynamic should work. (meaning boundaries, limits, etc.) There just should be no reason for the sub/slave to even want to test their Dom/Master. 

Every person goes through what we call life. things happen and we all get caught in everyday life things. And sometimes our Masters/Doms have a lot on their plates. They have work, stress, bills, us to take care of, and many other things. If there are days that he/she doesn’t show their dominance, it shouldn’t be thought of as a fault or maybe they don’t want me anymore, or I need to test them to see if I am still what they want. Just be there because you care, because you of all people should know what your Master wants and needs. By serving him at all times even when their dominance isn’t showing, is a testament to you as his property and slave. As I am sure that your owner shows care and concern when you are not your best and when you don’t feel like submitting on those days when you don’t feel good.

Just trust your dynamic and the one that you with. Communicate your needs and wants and there will not be a reason to feel like you have to “test the waters.” And remember…if you still feel like you want or need to test the water or push your boundaries,  be careful of what you wish for…you just might get it, and might not be what you were hoping for. So, be prepared that if you keep it up, you might be released and asked to leave. Just a thought!

Worshiping Master

I was having a hard time coming up with a topic today, so I asked Master what he would like me to write about. He suggested that write about what goes on in my head during my worship time. First let me explain exactly I mean when I say “worship time.” This is a time that I dedicate to Master. He could be watching television or on the computer or even in the bed. I kneel in front of him, lean forward with my chest on the floor and my arms stretched out in front of me pointing towards Master. I use this time like a meditation time. I think about all the ways that I can improve my service to Master or ways to improve myself to be better for Master. I reflect on how much I love him and how much I love serving him. This time means a lot to the both of us. It shows Master how dedicated I am to him and how much I love him.  He usually has me do this two or three times a week. It keeps in a slave mind-set and grounds me and brings back to who I am if I am having an off day.

There are times I can go into a deep meditation when I am worshiping. Then there are times that I fantasize about how I wish things were or how they could be. Often I have pictured Master with another girl in the bed and I am tied to chair made to watch them. I also envision how things would be if Master had another submissive or slave here with us. 

I believe that this worship time over the years has brought us closer as Master & slave.

Markings

   

Being the masochist that I am, I love to feel many different types of implements on my body. For me, its a way to let stress out or just the need to feel the pain. I can’t explain that need, but it is something that has been a part of me for a very long time. I also like to think that when I am receiving the pain, I am taking the strokes for my Master. Over the years the more he has given, the more I have taken. I trust him to know where he can take me. The sting, the burn, the hurt, it’s such a wonderful feeling for me.

Recently, I have had the desire to go a little further. I want to know just how much I can with stand. I want to know just how far Master will go and much Master is willing to give. I want to wear his deep marks. I want to know what it feels like to be brought to the edge of no return with him and have the bruises and markings to show for it. Master has never had that kind of session with me. Maybe one day I will know what that is like. I yearn for his markings on my body, to take that pain for him. To submit to him in that way I would imagine would be magical.