During the time that I have been away so many things have changed…where we moved to, how we live our lives and me. I have lost 115 pounds. I had to take time away from a lot of things to focus on myself and Master. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and now even harder to stay on track. I know I can do it though. I feel better and I look at life in a totally different way now.
The not so improved me found myself feeling tired all time and my joints hurt a lot and there were other things that I was experiencing. After many doctors and many blood test we found out I have two different auto immune issues. One is called mixed connective tissue disorder and the other is psoriatic arthritis. So, I have to battle with those things now, but I haven’t let it get me down. I just have to fight harder to do the things I need and want to do.
I’m back though…ready to share my life again…ready to be the new and improved me!
It has been so long since I have posted here…way too long. I really need to get back to my writings.
A lot has happened in our lives. We have moved from our mountain home to where Master grew up in Middle Georgia. It has been a year and a half now and I am still getting used to it. I still find myself longing for home on many occasions. We are living in the house where Master grew up. His father passed away a year ago in April and here we stayed. I like it here and the house is nice and I have made it home. Of course though…home is where ever Master is. Our lives have changed somewhat. We live next door to Masters mother and his family lives very close by. So, the way we used to live is quite different. But, we make it work and who we are never changes.
Getting the house and property in order seems to be a never ending project. Maybe one day it will come together and things will slow down. This is our life now and life goes on, it may change but who we are still remains.
I am more than just his slave, he owns me. My life revolves around his needs, wants and desires. Master controls every aspect of my life. Ownership is very real for us. I am his owned property. I do not get tell him what I am going to do. I do not get to change how things work around here. From the very beginning I knew how it would work. I agreed to his terms completely.
There are those that would argue that one individual cannot own another. I disagree with that. At least in our case. When I became Master’s slave, I gave up the life that I once knew. I handed my life over to him. My money goes into his account, he makes all decisions for me, he controls all that I do, my opinions are given only when asked for, and my obedience is the key thing. I never question his motives or how he wants things done or how he wants us to live. My life is his. I am his to do with as he sees fit.
Owned is what I am!
There has been a lot of talk on a slave being able to leave the relationship. What I absolutely don’t like to hear, is someone else telling others how they can live their lives and what is legal and not legal and what they can or cannot do. The only person who can tell me if I can leave is my Master. He is the only one that can tell me what I can or cannot do. I wanted to write about how it is for me and what my reality actually is.
I wanted to make sure I really knew the man I was getting involved with. We took the time to find out about each other and explore everything there was to know. I became in awe of this man that was becoming more and more apart of my life. He was getting inside my head. There wasn’t a minute of the day that I didn’t think about him. When the time came and we actually talked about me becoming his slave he laid everything out. He told me what he expected and wanted from a M/s relationship and from me. He made it perfectly clear that he would have it no other way but his. It was his terms….not mine. I could accept all of this or walk away at that point. There would be no negotiating or saying, “well I want it this way, or could it be this way.” If I wanted to be with him, it was all or nothing.
One of the terms was that if at any point I wanted out, I needed to tell him and we would talk about it and try to work things out first. He said things can be fixed if they are worth fixing. Then, after that I still wanted out of the relationship I needed to come to him and ask him for my release. But, I had to understand that if he let me go, there would be no chance in hell of ever coming back to him. Along with that he would decide if I took anything with me. Even the things I brought into the relationship, because they would all belong to him at that point. On the other hand, if he told me I wasn’t leaving then I go no where. And, that would be how things would work. Then we talked about collaring. If and when that ever happened, once the collar was around my neck the option of ever leaving was gone for good. There would be no asking to be released. It would be a lifetime commitment. I would be his property, his slave, his forever.
I accepted all his terms. I knew exactly what I was doing. I became his slave and knew how things would work. Five years after we had been together, he put that collar around my neck. There is no leaving now. And just for those nay sayers….I CAN’T leave. This is my reality. This is how we live life. Why would ever want to leave though? I love my life with my Master. What we have is not something I would ever want to leave. I love who we are together.
It’s been awhile since I have posted. Things here at home have been pretty busy. We are tilling and planting and our ebay store has been hopping. I also got some baby ducks a few weeks ago that are growing quickly.
Other than those things, everything is still the same. Master and I doing well and life is just happening. I hope to write more in the coming days. I have some topics and thoughts that I want to write about and share. I just wanted to pop in and say that I haven’t forgotten about my blog or about writing.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!
Life here has been really good. Master’s sells have been wonderful, my daughter was home this week from college and I have been feeling pretty good. It always feels good when things seem to be going well. And the weather has been beautiful. We will be taking my daughter back on Sunday. It will be a long drive there and back. I am sure we will be talking about her coming home for the summer.
As far as my collar is concerned Master is so sweet. He lets me take it off at bed time. I have been having a hard time sleeping with it on. He puts it back on first thing in the morning and I wear it all day. At first I felt really bad about taking it off at night. But, then he told me that it doesn’t bother him and that I am collared whether or not I have my collar on. He would rather be able to sleep at night than not sleep at all. I feel so lucky to have someone who is so understanding.
Life is good!
Since Master collared me, I have been trying to get used having it on all the time. The hardest part for me has been sleeping with it on. For some reason at night, sleeping with it was really hard. But, it is getting easier. Master has been really good about it. For the first few night he took it off for me, because I was having anxiety attacks while trying to sleep. I felt really bad that he was taking it off of me, but he understood. He knew it would take time to get used to having it on. Now, its getting easier and during the day, i don’t hardly notice it.
I love my collar. I can feel Master’s ownership with it. There has been one time that Master thought I wan’t listening to him and grabbed the collar and asked me if I was listening. It has become a tool for him in many ways. i was worried about reactions when I went out places, but no one has said anything, which I am glad. I actually think that no one really notices.
I have come to love my collar and all that it stands for.