The New And Improved Me….And The Not So Improved Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During the time that I have been away so many things have changed…where we moved to, how we live our lives and me. I have lost 115 pounds. I had to take time away from a lot of things to focus on myself and Master. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done and now even harder to stay on track. I know I can do it though. I feel better and I look at life in a totally different way now. 

The not so improved me found myself feeling tired all time and my joints hurt a lot and there were other things that I was experiencing. After many doctors and many blood test we found out I have two different auto immune issues. One is called mixed connective tissue disorder and the other is psoriatic arthritis. So, I have to battle with those things now, but I haven’t let it get me down. I just have to fight harder to do the things I need and want to do. 

I’m back though…ready to share my life again…ready to be the new and improved me!

Changes In Our Lives

It has been so long since I have posted here…way too long. I really need to get back to my writings.

A lot has happened in our lives. We have moved from our mountain home to where Master grew up in Middle Georgia. It has been a year and a half now and I am still getting used to it. I still find myself longing for home on many occasions. We are living in the house where Master grew up. His father passed away a year ago in April and here we stayed. I like it here and the house is nice and I have made it home. Of course though…home is where ever Master is. Our lives have changed somewhat. We live next door to Masters mother and his family lives very close by. So, the way we used to live is quite different. But, we make it work and who we are never changes. 

Getting the house and property in order seems to be a never ending project. Maybe one day it will come together and things will slow down. This is our life now and life goes on, it may change but who we are still remains.

Ownership

I am more than just his slave, he owns me. My life revolves around his needs, wants and desires. Master controls every aspect of my life.  Ownership is very real for us. I am his owned property. I do not get tell him what I am going to do. I do not get to change how things work around here. From the very beginning I knew how it would work. I agreed to his terms completely. 

There are those that would argue that one individual cannot own another. I disagree with that. At least in our case. When I became Master’s slave, I gave up the life that I once knew. I handed my life over to him. My money goes into his account, he makes all decisions for me, he controls all that I do, my opinions are given only when asked for, and my obedience is the key thing. I never question his motives or how he wants things done or how he wants us to live. My life is his. I am his to do with as he sees fit. 

Owned is what I am!

The Option Of Leaving

There has been a lot of talk on a slave being able to leave the relationship.  What I absolutely don’t like to hear, is someone else telling others how they can live their lives and what is legal and not legal and what they can or cannot do. The only person who can tell me if I can leave is my Master. He is the only one that can tell me what I can or cannot do. I wanted to write about how it is for me and what my reality actually is.

 

I wanted to make sure I really knew the man I was getting involved with. We took the time to find out about each other and explore everything there was to know. I became in awe of this man that was becoming more and more apart of my life. He was getting inside my head. There wasn’t a minute of the day that I didn’t think about him. When the time came and we actually talked about me becoming his slave he laid everything out. He told me what he expected and wanted from a M/s relationship and from me. He made it perfectly clear that he would have it no other way but his. It was his terms….not mine. I could accept all of this or walk away at that point. There would be no negotiating or saying, “well I want it this way, or could it be this way.” If I wanted to be with him, it was all or nothing.

One of the terms was that if at any point I wanted out, I needed to tell him and we would talk about it and try to work things out first. He said things can be fixed if they are worth fixing. Then, after that I still wanted out of the relationship I needed to come to him and ask him for my release. But, I had to understand that  if he let me go, there would be no chance in hell of ever coming back to him. Along with that he would decide if I took anything with me. Even the things I brought into the relationship, because they would all belong to him at that point. On the other hand, if he told me I wasn’t leaving then I go no where. And, that would be how things would work. Then we talked about collaring. If and when that ever happened, once the collar was around my neck the option of ever leaving was gone for good. There would be no asking to be released. It would be a lifetime commitment. I would be his property, his slave, his forever.

I accepted all his terms. I knew exactly what I was doing. I became his slave and knew how things would work. Five years after we had been together, he put that collar around my neck. There is no leaving now. And just for those nay sayers….I CAN’T leave. This is my reality. This is how we live life. Why would ever want to leave though? I love my life with my Master. What we have is not something I would ever want to leave. I love who we are together. 

Its been awhile

It’s been awhile since I have posted. Things here at home have been pretty busy. We are tilling and planting and our ebay store has been hopping. I also got some baby ducks a few weeks ago that are growing quickly. 

Other than those things, everything is still the same. Master and I doing well and life is just happening. I hope to write more in the coming days. I have some topics and thoughts that I want to write about and share. I just wanted to pop in and say that I haven’t forgotten about my blog or about writing.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

Life Is Good

Life here has been really good. Master’s sells have been wonderful, my daughter was home this week from college and I have been feeling pretty good. It always feels good when things seem to be going well. And the weather has been beautiful. We will be taking my daughter back on Sunday. It will be a long drive there and back. I am sure we will be talking about her coming home for the summer. 

As far as my collar is concerned Master is so sweet. He lets me take it off at bed time. I have been having a hard time sleeping with it on. He puts it back on first thing in the morning and I wear it all day. At first I felt really bad about taking it off at night. But, then he told me that it doesn’t bother him and that I am collared whether or not I have my collar on. He would rather be able to sleep at night than not sleep at all. I feel so lucky to have someone who is so understanding. 

Life is good!

living with my collar

Since Master collared me, I have been trying to get used having it on all the time. The hardest part for me has been sleeping with it on. For some reason at night, sleeping with it was really hard. But, it is getting easier. Master has been really good about it. For the first few night he took it off for me, because I was having anxiety attacks while trying to sleep. I felt really bad that he was taking it off of me, but he understood. He knew it would take time to get used to having it on. Now, its getting easier and during the day, i don’t hardly notice it. 

I love my collar. I can feel Master’s ownership with it. There has been one time that Master thought I wan’t listening to him and grabbed the collar and asked me if I was listening. It has become a tool for him in many ways. i was worried about reactions when I went out places, but no one has said anything, which I am glad. I actually think that no one really notices.

I have come to love my collar and all that it stands for.

 

Struggling

Making friends for me is pretty hard. In the past I have tried keeping people at a distance. i have a fear of being hurt and losing people I have become close to. I have tried to change that and let people into my life. I like having others to talk to and share things with. i have been enjoying that. But, in meeting people and making friends come the chance of rejection, judgement and the fear of losing those friends. 

There is also another chance you take. When you speak truth and honesty and it’s not taken well or they view as an attack when its not, then you stand the chance of being looked at differently. Maybe differently is not the right word. Maybe its resentfulness or conflict.  I was taught to be honest and truthful. If someone asks my advise I am honest with them. If someone asks my opinion…I give it. I would hope that being honest wouldn’t push them away. But, it seems it has. When someone needs support and kind words…i’m your girl. I support my friends and those that ask for it when it’s needed. For some reason now, it has turned out to be not such a good thing. When did honesty and truth start being a bad thing? Why fault someone for being supportive with kind words, honesty and truthfulness was asked for?  I could never fault anyone for that. I may not like what was said, I may not agree with what was said, but I respect that person for giving the advise and words. Friendship shouldn’t come with exclusions.  

Maybe the answer is not to help, not get involved, not give the advice when its asked for. But, that’s not what I consider friendship. I lived through a lot and suffered a lot during my life. I have a lot to share, a lot to be thankful for and I have a lot to give to others. But, I don’t want to be judged by what I say or do if its comes from the heart, if it is truthful, honest, and well meaning. I don’t want to cause conflict. 

Those walls that I broke through to be able to make friends are looking like they may be building themselves back up again. I will fight to keep them away, but that in it self is a hard job. Seeking shelter is always the easiest thing to do.

I will continue to live my life with honesty, integrity and respect. I will continue to support those that need it….even if I am faulted for it. All that matters is what I think of myself and how Master sees me. 

This is getting old

I really sick of being sick. first I had my gallbladder and a growth out. Then I get an infection from that. Right after that I get an awful sinus infection. I then gave it to Master. 😦     Then I thought I was about over it and here it goes again. I hate this no energy and not feeling good. I am ready to be up and doing stuff and feeling me again. UGH!

This why I haven’t been blogging. I will write again as soon as I am over the guntch! lol

All in due time

I cannot begin to to express how ecstatic I am at this moment. its going to take some getting used to.

It has been a long time coming. Master and I have been together for almost 6 years now. He could have done this when w first got together or even shortly after. But, that is not him, nor is it me. It had to be right, we both had to be sure, I needed to be enslaved by him mind, body and soul.

When we first got together we knew we were so right for each other. We thought a like, we wanted the same things out of life, it just felt right with him.
He makes me laugh and we can just be together in the same room or side by side and not say anything. We are good together. It hasn’t always been easy. We have been through some hard times. There were times when I questioned if this was really for me or was he really the one for me. I am so glad we made though all that. Sometimes you just have to take a step backwards to be able to forwards.

His dominance is just there. It shows just by looking at him. I am in awe of him ever day. I love and worship him more than I ever thought I would or could. My place is at his feet and for me that is the best place in the world to be. He has taught me so many things and has given me the life that I always wanted. A life where I could be who I was and I who I was meant to be.

I believe that the people in our lives come to us for a reason. Even if its for a short period of time or a life time. There is a reason for their presence. Master came into my life at a time when I needed a savior. Someone to help me through one of the toughest parts of my life. And he did just that. He taught me how to trust again and to let my walls down. He made me pull up my boot straps and carry on and trudge through those hard times. And he continues to do that for me. He has loved my girls like they were his own. He has given them guidance and love over these past years. That has meant the world to me and to them.

I am looking forward to the many years to come with Master. I am his slave and property. I am proud to call myself his. But, now I am his collared slave. It has finally happened. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now.