A new piece of furniture in the house

For a really long time I have wanted to talk to Master about objectification. It is something that I have thought about,pondered about and wanted to see how it would work with us. I just kind of thought that since we really didn’t talk about it in the beginning that it was something that Master wasn’t into. Well…was I wrong!

A friend of mine talked about how her Master uses her in one of her blogs. It gave me an idea. I read the blog to him and started a conversation. He said he had always been into it, but that he thought I would have a problem with it and didn’t want to push that with me. He has always pushed me in directions that I would never dream of and he knows how to do it carefully. I have always been obedient to everything that he tells me. Anyway, he was surprised that I wanted to explore that area. I told him I had always wanted to. So, last night I became Master’s footstool during his favorite Monday night tv show. Then I became his table for his late night snack. during this time I did some thinking on how I felt about being used in this manner. It was new and surprisingly it felt good. 

We had a conversation when we went to bed. Master says that he is going to come up with a few new ways to use me and that we will delve into this slowly. I am anxious and a little nervous at the same time. I am just glad that we were able to talk about this and that we can add new things to our relationship. And also, he really likes the new furniture addition.

Who is in control

This morning I commented on a thread that was posted on Fetlife. The topic was who is really in control in a M/s relationship. Just like the person who started the thread, I too have read that some think that the slave is really the one with all control and that without a slave there is no Master. Those sort of things. This just doesn’t resonate with me.

When Master and I were getting to know each other and trying to see if we were right for each other, he told me what he would expect out of a Master/slave relationship. He wanted me to know up front. So, when he took me as his I knew how things would be. I have never thought for one minute that I had any control in our dynamic. He makes all the decisions and set all the rules and protocols. I can’t even end our relationship. If I wanted things to end and I felt it was just not working out, I could express those feelings and talk about them. We would discuss what was going on and try to fix it. If I still wanted out, I would have to come to him and ask for release. It would be up to him to let me go. If he said no, then I would not be going anywhere. I made a commitment to him and I would live up to it. We have a great relationship and understanding about things. I know that he is the one on control and I would not have it any other way. We talk about so much and I do give my opinions and he values my opinions. There are even times that he has gone with what I have suggested. But, again he made the choice to do that. But in the end what he says goes.

I could not be in a relationship and call it a Master/slave or Owner/property if I thought I held the control. That defeats the purpose of the dynamic in every way. I guess the father I fell down into the rabbit hole, the more internally I became enslaved to Master. This is reality for us and how we live our every day lives. I am physically and mentally his in every way. 

This is where I see the difference between M/s and D/s. In my mind when you are just a submissive I guess you do hold some of the control. You get to decide on what you like and don’t like and what you will and won’t do. And, I suppose you could just walk away from the relationship. M/s is so much harder and you have to be a strong person inside and out to have this kind of dynamic. for me at least there have been many struggles in my head along the way. Then there was just complete surrender. The control is all his. 

A heart to heart

Sometimes you just need to clear the air. There has been something that has really been bothering me. And its a subject that Master just does not like to talk to talk about. In fact he gets down right mad when I try to talk to him about this. Well, I felt the need this morning to just have a heart to heart with him. I could not hold this in any longer. For the first time in a very long time we argued and he got very upset. I over stepped by bounds and told him I just wanted to out. That I could not go on like this any longer. We both started crying and he knows that he has been hurting me for a long time. Really since we have been together. I have been needing something from him, that he hasn’t been to give me. It’s not his fault, it’s really neither of our faults. It just is. We both realized that falling in love and letting each other get this attached was probably not a good thing. It felt good to clear the air. This has been stuck between us for nearly five years. 

After we both had time to cool down and think about things, Master came to me and said that he wanted to try to  make it right and that he did not want to be without me. I don’t want to be without him either, but I am not sure that trying is going to fix this. I guess time will tell. It just hurts and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to be happy, I want to know what it feels like to be happy again. I love him with all that I am, so I have to see if he can make it right…for us.

Testing The Waters

Yesterday I didn’t feel to well and my service was not up to par. Master understood though and has been concerned about how I am feeling. Anyway, yesterday morning I brought him his coffee like I always do and I just handed it to him. He asked me if this is way I serve him. It hit me that I didn’t kneel when giving him his coffee. I apologized and made sure that I knelt when bringing him the second cup. Later on in the day Master was talking to me and I replied with just a yes. He then said, “yes what?” I meant to say yes Sir. Then last night I didn’t ask permission to get in the bed and he turned to me and asked if I was testing him. I was a little confused. I told him no and he explained to me that all day it had seemed as if I was testing him to see how far I could push him or how long he would let me get away with things. It hit me, I had not been myself all day and didn’t feel good. I told him that I didn’t feel well and that I just wasn’t myself. He then understood.

It got me to thinking. I wonder if I have ever unintentionally tested Master. I have read many threads on fetlife about subs and slaves that push their boundaries or test how far they can push their Dom/Master.  I Do not think that this would be beneficial for either party. To me it shows a lack of trust on the sub/slaves part. If a sub/slave feels she has to test the waters so to speak to see how far he/she can go before something happens, then the dynamic is not what it should be. It shows a lack of communication, that is very much-needed. It also shows a lack of respect on the slave’s part. It may be that the slave is trying to get her Dom/Master to be more Dominant or show more authority. Or may be that she just wants to see how far he/she can push before getting punished or disciplined. If this is happening, the dynamic in my opinion is broken.  When you enter into a relationship/dynamic there has to already be a trust there and a confidence that things are the way they should be. And the people involved have agreed as to how their dynamic should work. (meaning boundaries, limits, etc.) There just should be no reason for the sub/slave to even want to test their Dom/Master. 

Every person goes through what we call life. things happen and we all get caught in everyday life things. And sometimes our Masters/Doms have a lot on their plates. They have work, stress, bills, us to take care of, and many other things. If there are days that he/she doesn’t show their dominance, it shouldn’t be thought of as a fault or maybe they don’t want me anymore, or I need to test them to see if I am still what they want. Just be there because you care, because you of all people should know what your Master wants and needs. By serving him at all times even when their dominance isn’t showing, is a testament to you as his property and slave. As I am sure that your owner shows care and concern when you are not your best and when you don’t feel like submitting on those days when you don’t feel good.

Just trust your dynamic and the one that you with. Communicate your needs and wants and there will not be a reason to feel like you have to “test the waters.” And remember…if you still feel like you want or need to test the water or push your boundaries,  be careful of what you wish for…you just might get it, and might not be what you were hoping for. So, be prepared that if you keep it up, you might be released and asked to leave. Just a thought!

Relationships

I have been thinking today. It takes so much effort in any kind of relationship to keep it going. It takes respect and understanding from both people. In this lifestyle is it harder to keep the relationship going? If the submissive is showing all the respect and not getting any back, will it work? Is it worth the effort to keep it going? 

I think when two people are thinking about entering into a relationship they need to think think about things that they both want. They need to make sure that are compatible in all areas. If you start a relationship and get deep into it then realize that you don’t fit together like you thought you did, it might be harder to end things than in the beginning or harder to end than starting at all. 

Just because we are submissive’s or slave’s, doesn’t mean that we don’t need to be heard. We are human and we have feelings. Respect and trust matters to us just as much as it does to anyone else. 

My best friend is going through a really tough time and she is hurting.  I really want to do something to help her, but all I can do is be here for her. I support her in what ever she decides. I just wish her Master and husband could see what he is doing. He thinks because he is her Master that all else just goes his way. He doesn’t care about her feelings and he doesn’t care what she is going through. He just wants to see numerous of women and she has to be okay with it. Now they have a baby and he isn’t changing one bit, nor is he willing to give up any of his ways. I hurt for her. My life hasn’t been what I want it to be, but I have made a decision to live with the way it is for now. But, I can change that if I get to that point. It’s harder for her, she has a baby now and she feels so alone, even with her Master there. She has now asked for a release and he has granted it. I feel so sad. I know she will be just fine. She is a very strong woman and she has so many wonderful things about her. I just wish things were different. 

Regardless, I love her and I will never leave her side!

Dealing With Anger

I believe that Master and I have really good communication  skills. We are able to talk about a lot of things. We even have the occasional argument, sometimes even heated arguments. Then, I feel really bad about arguing with him or having words, because I am his slave and it’s not my place to fight and argue with him. And, I usually have to deal with the after shock. Meaning there are consequences for my actions. What got me to thinking about this was an incident that happened last night. My neighbor called the police on her husband last night. They had a heated argument over money and she called the police. There was no violence involved  just the argument. She didn’t like the way her husband was handling their money situation was all this was over. He had been giving money to their church every week and had kept it from her. Is that a reason to call the police? I think not.

If I had even dreamed about calling the police, our relationship would be over. If I told Master what he could or couldn’t do with his money then there would not be a dynamic between us. Does he ask me what I think about what he is going to spend it on sometimes, yes he does. But, the decision is all his. And I prefer it that way. But, I think we communicate very well. We don’t hide anything from each other and we have never felt the need to. I am very glad that we have the dynamic that we do. It makes things so much easier. 

The times that things have gotten overly heated with words, we know that we just need a little space and we each go do something. I may go to the bedroom and journal he may go outside to his shop. Then when we have cooled off we talk. 

How do you deal with anger in your relationship? Do you argue or fight? How do you deal with those kinds of feelings?

Wants vs. Needs… Can they both be the same?

We all know what the basic needs are, shelter, food, clothing,etc. And then there are wants that have nothing to do with needs. But, can wants actually be needs? I think in some instances they can be. If you know what you need out of a relationship and you are not getting it and you know that you need those certain things for the relationship to work and flourish, then to me that is “need.” When I look at my relationship with my Master, I know what things I need from him. I know what needs of mine need to be met in order for me to feel happy. Could I live without those things? Yes I could. But, I think that being happy in this life and feeling fulfilled is a need. If those needs aren’t met then you could become depressed over a period of time or the relationship could suffer greatly. Communication becomes key at this point. You need to be able to talk things over with your partner, Dom, or Master. If that doesn’t work, then you need to sit down and rethink the relationship. Are you going to be able to live this way? If not are you going to settle for less than what you really want?

If may be time to make some decisions as to where you go from here. We all deserve to be happy in this life. We all deserve to have what we want out of the relationship that we are in. And if you are not in a relationship, know what it is you want out of one before you get involved with someone. Make sure you communicate what it is you need before making a commitment. Never settle…your wants and needs are important. They make you who you are!

Kink

The one thing that I desire most in my relationship with Master is kink. I want to be his slut slave. I want to be his little cunt. I want him to use different devices and make me wear and use clamps, dildos, and other things for daily tasks. I want him to use me sexually for his pleasure. I used to love having anal sex and wish so much to feel that again. I desire to feel Master’s hands and fingers on my cunt. I want to feel his belt or paddle on my bare butt just for his pleasure and for me to feel that pain that I so crave. I want to feel his flogger on my back until my back  just can’t take anymore. I just want him to use me as his sex slave every now and then. 

I know that my desires are just that…wants and desires. But, in a sense for me it is a need. It is something that is important to me. I wish I could have that. I fantasize about having another Dom that does those things to me and who wants to do those things to me. I find it so hard to talk to Master about these kinds of things. I don’t know how. And when I do try, things become difficult for us. So, I just leave it alone. It’s always there in my mind though. 

Desires,crave, needs, wants…….am I selfish? Does that make me less of a slave?